Weekend plans

Friday afternoon we will be leaving to head to my inlaws home in Mississippi. We usually go twice a year, but we haven't been since last August due to me being pregnant and my school schedule. Not going hasn't bothered me a bit, but since I am out of school and not working, I no longer have any excuse.

We haven't seen them since November. They came the weekend after we came home from the hospital with Ella and stayed two hours. That weekend, they stayed with friends one town over and could have come over on Friday or Sunday and could have stayed longer than two hours. As much as I didn't want them to stay over night, I wouldn't have begrudged them an extra long visit, nor would I have had a problem with them coming more than one day. Honestly, even though I don't like having them around or being around them, it makes me mad they didn't care to stay longer or want to be around their newest grandchild.

I have a really hard time with them anyway. I didn't particularly care for them before our children were born, but they totally ruined Tessa's homecoming when she was born. Then, when Jenna was stillborn, they couldn't even come down for the memorial service. Two things happened after her death that I will never be able to forgive them for doing. I've mentioned it before, but I'll tell the story again.

At Christmas 2008, we went to Mississippi to visit them. This was the week of my due date with Jenna. My father in law asked how I was doing, and Brian said that it had been a really hard week for me because it was my due date with Jenna. My father in law said, "What the hell is a Jenna?"

Brian just said, "Your dead granddaughter." I was busy with Tessa, and I let it go. Now, I wish I hadn't. I wish I had told him how bad that hurts me. My family knows her name. My mom and aunt held her. The whole weekend we were in Mississippi, I waited for my mother in law to bring it up. She didn't, so I asked her if she wanted to see her pictures. When she looked at them, she said, "Well, that was kind of sad, wasn't it?"

I should have said more than I did, but I couldn't. And, now I don't know how to get passed this. Everything they do and say makes me mad. I know I'm going to hear how we aren't raising Tessa right, how we don't feed her well enough, how she's just lazy (like they thought Brian was) in regards to her schoolwork. They are going to gush over Ella and ignore Tessa. I'll have to hear about how wonderful our nephew is and about everything they've given him (including a truck), when they can barely give our girls any kind of gifts. Boys are just better than girls, you know (like they told Tessa last year before we found out Ella was a girl).

I hate making this trip. I am trying to look forward to going out on the boat, fishing and swimming, but even those perks don't make up for the crap they are going to put us through and the crap they've put us through in the past. I just wish I could get over it.