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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Perfect Family

I can't tell you how many times I've had someone ask me "Are you going to try again for a boy?" since Ella was born in November, making me feel as though people value boy babies more than girls.

My answer is always no. For one thing, my doctor has said I don't need to do another pregnancy. I've had one baby who developed IUGR, lost a one to Trisomy 18 and then had my placenta break down early and blood pressure skyrocket enough for me to have to go on bedrest with the last baby. My body is just not cut out to have babies, and the people who ask me this are often ones who know my history.

I have so many other reasons for not having another baby, money, room, time...I could go on and on. But, if I wanted to have another, it would not be to have a boy. My family is complete; I don't need a male child to have it be so.

I've also heard that the perfect family is a boy and a girl. Why is this so? I thought a perfect family was one that loved each other, no matter what the dynamics were. I think we are perfect just the way we are.

One person even went so far as to tell me Brian deserved a son. Does a man have to have a son to feel complete? I don't buy this. Brian has told me more than once he is happy with his girls. He doesn't want a son because of how bad his own relationship is with his dad. Besides, men are ultimately the ones who are responsible for whether or not their children are male and female, even if it is unintentional.

All of this makes me feel women and girls are highly undervalued in our society. I don't feel like I've failed as a women and a wife because we've had all girls. I don't think we are any less of a family because females outnumber males in this household. We make up a perfect family because we love each other; we don't need a male baby for that to happen.

Besides, with our track record, three pregnancies -- three girls, we probably would never have a boy anyway.


Pam the Realtor said...

Wow, it always shocks me the things people say! Try not to let it bother you. The girls will grow up and you will have them as your best friend later in life and they will always be daddy's little girls, no matter how old they are.

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

Haha with 3 boys, people are always asking me if we're going to have a girl. I tell them that I don't want 4 kids even if it would be a girl! I don't know why people think you have to have 1 of each to be complete

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with everything you've said. Why isn't it enough to have girls? I have two girls and people are always telling me that we've got to "try for the boy," and "your husband needs a son, right?" No! I think that is so sexist. Actually we are very happy with our girls, and if we have more children, it will be because we want more children, not because we need a boy.

Anonymous said...

P.S. Thanks for the follow!

Mary Elizabeth said...

It's not children, it's adults who say the dumbest things! When a mother sees her child for the first time she never thinks about gender...and when my brother-in-law welcomed his fifth daughter, he was blessed!


Dalia (Generation X Mom) said...

I hear people say things like this all of the time. I wonder where the 'perfect family' of a boy and girl came from. I often think maybe TV from the past, you know the old black and white shows where most of them did have a boy and girl. I really don't think there is a perfect one. They are all different and perfect in their own way!