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Saturday, June 12, 2010


I have never been a huge fan of summer. I don't do well in the heat, and in Tennessee, it gets sweltering hot in the summer months. As a child, I loved school and always wanted to be there, so that made the time go even slower. The only good thing was I got to stay at my granny's all day, and I loved her so much.

Fall was, and is, my favorite time of the year. I know many people correlate spring with new beginnings but for me, fall signifies that. I guess it's because it was always the start of the school year, full of promises of what was to come.

While I liked the other seasons better, I never hated summer until two years ago. Now, I hate July and August. We received our results from the AFP test on July 9. The next day we had our Level 2 ultrasound that showed a possible cystic hygroma and club foot. From that day on, I was never the same. A small part of me still had hope then, but I knew, deep down, she had it and I was going to lose her.

July 18, we had the amniocentesis done. We received the FISH results July 23 and then the full results July 29. Just a few short days later, we were making the disastrous trip to Atlanta. On Aug. 11, we found out she was dead, and she was born the next day.

Two summers ago was spent in a fog. I barely remember July, August and most of September. I basically did what I had to do to get through it. And I did. I got through it, but I will not ever be the same again.

I wish I could reclaim summer and not have it be a constant reminder of our tragedy. I am trying to think of something to do this year to remember Jenna, something all of my friends and family members can do to remember her, too. I don't want it to be morbid or to make it seem like I dwell on the situation. I want it to be about a baby girl who never even took a breath yet touched people all over the world.

I saw a story on Facebook about a baby girl who died of a heart problem. Her family had everyone wear pink and do something good for someone else on a day to commemorate her life. I am thinking of doing something similiar, such as have everyone wear purple and say something nice to someone or do something to make someone's day.

I still have two months to come up with exactly what I want to do, but I am going to do it. If you have any suggestions, I am fully open to them.

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