Tessa's appointment

Today brought back so many memories of two years ago when we were undergoing the testing with Jenna. I even brought Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azakaban with me, and while we were going through everything with Jenna, I sought comfort and escape in the world of Hogwarts. The big difference this time is I wasn't the one undergoing the testing, and the results won't be life or death.

Just like with the amnio, we have to wait a while to get the results. I go back next Wednesday to discuss with him what is going on with her. She gets to stay at home with the babysitter, and luckily it won't be as early as it was today.

Ella woke me at 6 a.m., but I didn't mind as I had my alarm set for 6:15 a.m., anyway. I got myself ready, packed Ella's diaper bag for my aunt's house and packed Tessa's lunchbox with her snack that the doctor said to bring since we would be there for most of the morning. For once in her life, Tessa wasn't in a grouchy mood in the morning. I swear, she is always a grump in the morning, and she will even say that.

We made it there with plenty of time to spare. In fact, we were even a little early and had to wait on the doctor to get there for just a few minutes. I didn't mind. It gave us a chance to relax, and we even got to see a bird chase a squirrel.

I had to wait in the waiting room while the doctor did the test. He gave me some paperwork to fill out concerning Tessa's behavior. I am pretty sure this had to do with ADD. The answers to the questions were never, sometimes, almost always and often. Some of the questions, like "Cries Easily, "Is Easily Frightened," and "Disobeys Parents," fit Tessa, and I had to answer almost always. Others, like "Sets Fires," "Is Cruel to Animals" and "Steals," didn't fit at all, and I had to say never.

Tessa's first grade teacher hasn't gotten her end of the paperwork back to the doctor. I hope she gets it back to him soon, and if she doesn't, I hope it doesn't affect the results.

Tessa didn't say much about the testing. I asked her questions about it, and I got a lot of "I don't remembers." I know they did some math, and she had to read some "hard words," as she put it. They also had some testing she did on the computer. Her doctor called it achievement testing to check for dyslexia. If anyone has any experience with this kind of testing, can you please tell me how it's done?

So, now we just wait. I called my mom after it was over and was telling her about what was on the list and how I answered. She kept saying, "She doesn't do that here," or "She's not bad about that here." I felt like saying, "Way to say I'm a bad mother, momma."

The fact is, she does do it over there. She had a meltdown at her house on Sunday. My mom is bad about selective memory. And, Tessa only spends the night over there about once every six weeks lately. Momma has just really hurts my feelings lately. Like when I told her we were sleep training Ella. She said, "You are doing things with her the way you should have done with Tessa." I told her that I didn't think I had messed up too badly, just in the sleep department.

Tonight, she said, "I can't believe you are letting her sleep all by herself in her room when you never let Tessa," like I was being unfair to Ella. I just can't win for losing with her.

I hope we get some solid answers next week. I'm not going to say how I wish for this to go. I wish with all my being that Tessa didn't have the trouble in school or the meltdowns or anxiety problems, but she does. If getting a solid diagnosis gives us a way to treat this, I'm all for her being diagnosed with something. I just wish we didn't have to go through this at all.