I wanted to personally thank all of you for your sweet comments about Jenna's photographs. Those of you who have lost a little one much earlier than your due date knows the kind of courage it takes to show off those photos.
I see her as beautiful, but I also know I'm looking at her through the eyes of a mother. I was so afraid that others wouldn't see her as beautiful. Every time Tessa and I look at her pictures, Tessa talks about cute she was. She just sees her as her little sister. Today, my sister-in-law looked at the pictures, and my nephew looked over her shoulder while she was doing so. He said, "Oh, she's so bloody."
Tessa said, "No, she's not bloody, Luke. She's red because she was very, very sick. That's why she died."
I also have to take the time to say thank you to all my Internet friends, especially the ladies from the debate board at www.tryingtoconceive.com/newSite2 and from www.babycenter.com second and third trimester loss boards.
I have visited Trying to Conceive for the past six years. I've been going to the debate board for the last five years. We've been through a lot together there, and they were there when I first found out something might be wrong. I can't tell you how many e-mails I received from the members of that board. One lady (you know who you are you and you know I love you) sent me a card with a quote from Winnie the Pooh because she knew how much I loved that cartoon.
Another lady read long e-mail after long e-mail and always gave me a reply within a short amount of time, always reassuring me that what I felt was normal and worrying with me. I think she also knows how much she means to me. She's as much a friend to me as anyone, and I've never even met her before.
After Jenna died, the second and third trimester loss women were wonderful. I've made some good friends there. I wish none of us had to be there, but I am thankful they were.
I don't think I can adequately say how much all of the support meant to me, but I have to say, "Thank you."
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3 comments:
Hi i just wanted to let you know that i have stopped by to read your blog. Like you we chose to SGE at 21 weeks in May. The hardest decision ever. Your daughter looks so perfect and its so awesome you got to use now i lay me down to sleep.
right now im just at a loss of words but i will come back by.
Hi Tamara,
I am a Dec mom on the babycenter boards. I have been following you through your posts and blog for the past few months. I rarely post, mostly lurk even on blogs, but I wanted to post to say thanks to you. Thank You for sharing your story. While no two experiences are the same and grief is such a personal journey, I can relate to your experience on several levels. I also have PCOS so I know the struggle there and lost a baby last year at 16 weeks. He had no heartbeat at our 16 week appointment. Because my baby was measuring small, we had the option to go with a D& E instead of induced delivery. It was less painful, but I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice as I never got to see him or hold him and have no pictures. Seeing pictures of your little girl was a real comfort to me. I appreciate your willingness to share with all of us.
One of our boys only managed to reach 21 weeks before deciding he was ready to be born: bless his heart. We have photos of him, too, and he's gorgeous, just like your little Jenna is.
Much love to you for all of this. It's heartbreaking, but as time passed I got used to that. I've never forgotten him, though, and he's with me every day.
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