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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Four weeks today

I hate Tuesdays. For the past four weeks, they have been awful days for me. It's just a reminder of all I lost when Jenna died.

She died on a Tuesday, four weeks ago today, at 11:50 a.m. It will officially be one month Friday. I'll never forget the day she was born, looking at her tiny little fingers and tiny little toes. I still regret that I didn't hold her longer than what I did. It just hurt so bad, and seeing her the way she wasn't the memory of her that I wanted.

I admit that I'm feeling better every day. I don't feel like crying every single second of every day. Sometimes, I can even think of Jenna and smile, instead of crying. However, whenever I think of December and her due date, when I see a new baby, all the pain comes rushing back.

I don't want to forget her or for anyone else to forget her either. She was my baby, and she existed. It may not have been a long life or a full life or the life I wanted for her, but she was still here.

This post is really just to remember her today, four weeks since she was born.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts today. I hope this day is as gentle as possible, I know how tough it was for me yesterday.