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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Feeling alone and without choices?

Several weeks ago, when I first found out Jenna was sick, I was given a short list of options. I could travel to Atlanta or wait it out. What kind of options were those?

After the fiasco in Atlanta, I felt even more alone and without choices. Where were the people like me who wished they could spare their child the pain and suffering of Trisomy 18 or some other fatal diagnosis but couldn't because of state law? I wanted to talk to them because I felt so alone, but I couldn't find anyone. Most people who wanted to end their pregnancy early were able to, and the same went for those who were carrying to term.

But, me, I wasn't doing what I wanted. I was floating in a sea of never ending confusion and guilt, confusion because I wanted to end the pregnancy to keep Jenna from suffering and guilt because I wanted to end a much-wanted pregnancy. Where were my choices? Isn't the freedom of choice having the choice to decide between having an abortion and the choice not to?

I don't ever want anyone to have to go through that again. No one should ever feel that alone and helpless, as though their hands are tied behind their backs and something is being forced down their throat.

I'm thinking of starting a Web site for people who were in my situation. However, I don't know how many women have actually been there. If you are reading this and have been in this position, please let me know. I really need to know how many people would support a board like this. It wouldn't have to be just for Trisomy 18; it could include any fatal pre-natal diagnosis, such as Triploidy, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Down Syndrome, amniotic band syndrome, etc.

So, if you have ever wanted to end a pregnancy because of a fatal pre-natal diagnosis but couldn't due to state law, insurance issues, travel issues, etc., please, please let me know. I'm really interested in doing something to keep women like us from feeling so alone.


Anonymous said...

Tamara- You know you can count me in! I would be glad to help in any way possible. I one hundred percent agree that women in our situation need support. Great idea!

Violet said...


I have been reading your block for awhile now and I really admire your desire to help women out in this or similar situations. I totally respect where you are coming from. Awhile ago you said people like to say they know what they would do in your situation. I agree with you that many of us believe we know what we would do but, unless we have been presented with the situation we don't know.

I don't want to place my opinions. I love reading your blog and thing your doing an amazing thing. I must say though that I was slightly upset int his newest post when you listed Down Sydronme as a fatal pre natal condition. DOwn Syndrome (T-21) is NOT Trisomy 18 on another chromosome. It is NOT fatal. Some children do have major health complication yes, including heart conditions which my or me not be fatal. SOme of these children are born relatively healthy, and even with almost normal IQ's. The outlook isn't quite so bleak as with T-18. I work with special olympics and we have people well into their 50's swimming, bowling, etc. all after they get off work. Some of them even live on their own. I do understand many woman will choose to terminate a downs baby for many reasons which I cannot understand having never been in that situation. HOwever, the diagnosis isn't fatal. I'm sure you were either misinformed or misunderstood. I hope you don't find my comment offensive.