Focusing on me

I decided to take the time between Jenna's loss and when we can actively try to conceive again to lose weigh. I'm excited to announce that I have lost 27 pounds.

I don't usually share my weight with people, because it's usually a lot more than they think because I carry it well. I started out at 266 in July, which meant I gained two pounds with Jenna and no more. I am now down to 239.

I bought a set of scales that will keep up with how much you have lost. I also have a chart on my refrigerator. I weigh each morning because if I did it once a week, I wouldn't be able to get used to the habit. I weigh myself and then write it on the chart. My first goal is to be down to 200 pounds, which is 66 pounds to lose. I'm almost halfway there.

I have been cutting out all my sugary drinks and eating smaller portions. I don't snack between meals anymore. I've been parking farther and farther away at work and when I go to the store. I've also been keeping my house extremely clean. I never knew housework was such good exercise.

Dr. McGowen said not to do any kind of aerobic activity for four weeks. It will be four weeks tomorrow since Jenna was delivered. Water aerobics is on Tuesday and Thursday night at our Rec Center, so I may go tomorrow night. I loved water aerobics, and I might get there a little early so I can swim for a bit before.

I'm also focusing on myself in other ways, too. I'm seeing a counselor to help me through my grief. She's helping a lot although I do feel emotionally drained after a session.

The other thing I did was cut my hair very short. I'm now 100 percent gray. I did it for a while before, but decided to color it back in January. Even though I'm only 31, I'm glad I've decided to be gray. It means I'm confident enough in myself to do it.

I've been having a problem with redness on my face, but it really didn't bother me. Now, I've discovered a regimen that is clearing it up, and my skin is starting to look really good for the first time in a while. I was my face with Baby Magic body wash and then lather on Aveeno Simply Smooth Moisturizing Cream. It diminishes fine lines and facial hair. My facial hair is pretty bad, due to me having PCOS. I pluck it, but the cream is working well, too.

My counselor says I'm focusing on all these things because it takes my mind off the loss. She says it's not totally a bad thing, as long as I am allowing myself to grieve, which I am doing. It just feels good to feel good about myself right now.