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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Trying to conceive again

Brian and I are going to wait three months before we try to conceive again, which is the length of time our doctor recommend we wait. I think it will give my body time to be completely healed, and I will be on my way through the grieving process, although I know I won't be completely finished with it.

We want another baby, not to replace Jenna. She can't be replaced. She was our baby, and nothing will change that. We just want Tessa to have a sibling here on Earth. Besides, Brian is going to be 39 at the end of this year, and he wanted to be finished having children by the time he is 40.

I hope it's not an insult to Jenna's memory that we aren't waiting any longer than three months. But, by having her and losing her, I realized how much I really did want another baby.

I have made a decision though. I'm going to use the next three months to get in better shape. I would like to lose about 30 pounds between now and then. If it takes awhile for us to get pregnant again, I'll continue to lose weight. I'm going to go back to my water aerobics class and use the exercise equipment at the Rec Center.

I know I didn't do anything to cause Jenna to have Trisomy 18. It was simply a bad egg or a bad sperm. If it was the egg, it was created when I was created, so of course, I couldn't have had anything to do with it. But, at times when I'm feeling really down, I feel guilty and wonder if being overweight could have caused it.


Hollie said...

I went through (and sometimes still go through) feelings of guilt when thinking of TTC again.
Then I think about how Cameron wouldn't want me to long for a child for the rest of my life, and how he would want Aiden to have a sibling here on Earth.
Jenna would only want the same for you!
No one could ever, in a million year, replace our babies. I will always tell people I have 3 children.

I think you're doing a smart thing by waiting 3 months! You need to heal physically, emotionally, and mentally beforehand.

Jessica said...

We are also thinking to start TTC again in three to four months. We wanted this baby so bad and although another pregnancy will not replace our little Georgia, I think it will help in our healing. I am planning to get in better shape as well. Hopefully, I will be able to head back to the gym soon. I am hoping that will counter the deperession and boredom of being home for 4 more weeks.

Beth said...

We lost our baby a month ago and the doctor said we can try to conceive right away. We're going to do that, partly because the doctor said it's okay for me, and partly because it took a while last time and I realize it will probably take a while this time too. I also know what you mean about the guilt issue though. I feel the exact same way - Ada can never be replaced, but I would like to give her some brothers and sisters.

I'm also looking at this time as an opportunity to lose some weight. I still am above my pre-pregnancy weight, and I was overweight to begin with. So, until I get pregnant, I'm going to really limit my calories and do a lot of walking. Maybe we can encourage each other! :)

Sara Knowles said...

Hi -

We feared we had a trisomy 18 diagnosis also - and at the time I decided that we would ttc again after waiting a few months. In my mind, I didn't want to let the sadness of losing my child to be the thing that defined my life - I didn't want that for my other children. We have been lucky, our trisomy 18 diagnosis was wrong.
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