The abortion debate

I've heard many comments over the past six weeks, but the one that sticks out in my head is "I know what I would do in your situation." I want to look at them and say, "Really? You think so? Because I don't honestly believe you do."

No one knows what they will do in this situation until they have to go through it. I always said I would terminate a pregnancy if we were given a diagnosis that was incompatible with life. I was firm in that stance, too. I said I wouldn't terminate if it was just Down's Syndrome or spina bifida, but I now know those can be incompatible with life. However, when I first heard that Jenna was sick with Trisomy 18, all kinds of thoughts ran through my mind.

My first was that I couldn't terminate even though Brian and I had decided that we would if she had Trisomy 18. She was my baby. I was here to give her life, not take it away. It was funny that I felt that way because I had always been pro-choice. Not necessarily pro-abortion, I just believed abortion was a decision a woman has to make on her own with her doctor, not something to be decided by politicians. But, even though I always felt that way, I didn't think I could do it at first. Jenna was very much wanted, so how could I do away with a baby I had tried so long to have?

I then thought of the problems she would have if she survived birth. Babies with Trisomy 18 have problems with their heart, kidneys, brain and other major organs. She would be severely mentally handicapped. Most likely, she would suffer.

I was her mother. I loved her. One of greatest jobs as a mother is to keep our children safe, healthy and free of pain. By continuing the pregnancy and taking the chance of her being born alive, I risked filling her life with pain and suffering. I will say it again. I was her mother. I loved her, and I couldn't do that to her.

I think even those who are pro-life would have to take those things into consideration. I don't think they would automatically know they wouldn't terminate, or at least, I would hope they would think about their child suffering before making that decision.

So, as anyone who reads this knows, I didn't get to terminate. I carried Jenna until her heart gave out, and she just couldn't try anymore. In some ways, I'm glad I wasn't able to end the pregnancy because I didn't have to make the choice of ending her life. But, on the other hand, I had to see her birth defects, which only proved to me she would have suffered terribly during delivery if she had been alive. Also, because of those defects, the birthing process was very unkind to her body, leading to deformities no mother should ever have to see.

So, when you hear of a family who has gotten a fatal diagnosis for their unborn child, please don't say you know what you would do. Until you walk a little while in their shoes, you can't know.