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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Letters to my inlaws

After visiting my inlaws over the weekend, I had a lot I wanted to say to them, but I wasn't able to do it because I didn't want to cause a scene or a fuss. So, I decided to draft letters to them here where they won't be able to see them, but I can vent a little of my frustration. Here they are:

Dear Father-In-Law,

When Brian told you I had a rough week and you asked why, he responded with, "It was Jenna's due date," to which you replied, "What the hell is a 'Jenna?'"

First of all, she isn't a what, she's a who. She's your fourth grandchild, your second granddaughter. I carried her for 21 weeks. She moved inside of me; she had a fatal chromosomal disorder. She matters enough that you should know her name. Tessa, Brian and I all cried over her. People we haven't even met in person cried with us, yet you don't even know her name? I have always known we weren't the type of people who could have ever seen eye to eye on anything, but now, I know you are a horrible, horrible person who doesn't care about anyone other than yourself. And, seriously, after that comment, I hope you rot.

Also, I don't have to beat my child to discipline her. I want my child to do as I say because she loves me and respects me, not because she fears me. That is the only reason your two sons ever did anything you told them to do, because they were scared of being beaten if they didn't. No five-year-old does everything the first time she's told to do it. No five-year-old likes every single food on the planet. I will not hit her simply because she didn't do what I told her to the first time, nor will I hit her because she won't eat something she doesn't like.

Do you know why Brian visits you? It isn't because he loves you and wants to see you. No, it's because he feels like he is doing his duty toward you. Two visits a year is what he considers his duty, and he doesn't plan to do more than that. It's your fault he feels that way, but the truth is, you are so selfish that it doesn't matter to you. Honestly, if I never saw you again, it would be too soon, but I know I will have to, because Brian feels as though he must do his duty by you and I don't want Tessa to be exposed to you without me around.

Dear Mother-In-Law,

If you hate father-in-law so much, divorce him and go live with your sister. You will be a much happier and easier to get along with if you do. When you are around him, you are bitter, ill-tempered and hard to get along with, but away from him, I can actually tolerate your company.

I realize you think if you had divorced father-in-law when your sons were younger, it would have hurt them too much. However, allowing them to be beaten and mistreated by father-in-law did more damage than a divorce would have. How could you have been so stupid to even think that, unless you feel it is OK to beat your child? Since I don't know if you feel that way or not, you should know you will never be left alone with Tessa.

When I approached you about looking at Jenna's pictures, you should have looked at them without hesitation. She is your granddaughter. My mother saw her in person and held her. You should have been there for Brian and done the same. And, after looking at them, the wrong thing to say was, "Well, that was kind of sad, wasn't it?"

Naw, it was the best thing that ever happened to me! Seriously, how the hell could you say that to me? It was tragic, probably the worst thing that I have gone through or will ever go through in my life. You don't know how close I came to losing my mind this summer, and all you can say is, "Well, that was kind of sad, wasn't it?"

That's the other thing, you could have at least brought Jenna up to me. You could have said you were sorry about everything we had gone through. I even mentioned something about when I was in the hospital in August, and you didn't even take that opportunity to say something. I would have liked some indication that you even cared, not so much for me, but more so Brian. Your lack of concern, lack of attention, shows him you don't care.

One more thing, 95 percent of black people (which is not the word you used, and you know how much I hate that racial slur) don't think Obama is going to pay their bills. How would you even know when you don't socialize with black people? You barely tolerate the ones you run into in public. You, along with your husband and oldest son, are racists, and I am so glad Brian isn't like that and glad Tessa will never be that way either.

Actually, I hope Tessa is nothing like any of the three of you, and I am going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening.


JenJen said...

Way to go sister. I bet both letters were terrific to write. I felt pumped up for you just reading them.

I thought my in-laws were bad on this situation with Lily, but I think you have me beat. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that crap on top of all the other things going on in your life.

((hugs)) and heres praying that 2009 is better for the members of our "little" club...


Brenna's Mom said...

"What's a Jenna?" I honestly think that is the worst comment I've heard anyone say- and I've heard a lot of horror stories in deadbabyland. I am so, so sorry. They both sound like assholes.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I cannot believe those comments they said to you. No wonder your husband doesn't feel close to those people. I'm glad you don't have to see them often. Yuck.

Hollie said...

My mouth literally dropped when I read that comment from you FIL!!! WTH IS THAT?!

Good for you for taking a stand for Jenna!

Those types of people are the sort that deserve to be miserable and lonely for the rest of their lives.

Megan said...

I had to drop a WTF at the comment by your FIL. Ass. Good for you for having the restraint to vent here and not directly retaliate...