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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Four months ago

Four months ago at this time, I was in the hospital. I had just had my first round of cytotec inserted to make my cervix dilate so Jenna could be born. I can't believe it's been four months. I have learned so much and grown more than I could ever imagine during that time.

We had a great nurse that night. Her name was Dawn, and she was so sweet. She listened when we needed to talk, and we had a lot in common, too. Her husband was also a truck driver. I didn't really start to feel any contractions until later in the night, but my heart was full of pain.

Now, I'm coming up to my due date. It's just two weeks away. Tomorrow, we are delivering our angel tree presents to Wal-Mart. We wanted a newborn baby, because each year we are going to do a child that would be Jenna's age at Christmas. However, I looked at the card wrong, and the baby was 18 months old. It didn't matter. Her list was only for clothes, shoes and baby shampoo, body wash and lotion. We bought her two dresses, two sweat suits with really cute designs on, two long-sleeved t-shirts, a pair of jeans, some tennis shoes, a baby doll, a teddy bear, a Winnie the Pooh, some puzzles and one of those baby telephones. We might have gone a little overboard, but we had fun doing it. I'm going to put a card in the box that says, "In memory of our angel, Jenna Grace, Aug. 12, 2008."

I was hoping to be pregnant by my due date, but I don't know if that will happen or not. My fertility monitor still hasn't given me a peak, just a high since CD 8. I know I can't have had just a high for 13 days. Anyway, when I entered my temp and the high for today, Fertility Friend changed my ovulation date from CD 13 to CD 18. If I ovulated on CD 18, we are completely out of the running because we didn't BD at all at that time. I decided to take out all of the monitor information after CD 13, and it changed it back from CD 18 to CD 13.

I think I ovulated CD 13 because I had EWCM and ovulation pains. On CD 18, I didn't have any mucus at all. But, what if I'm wrong, and we missed it completely. I just don't know. If any charting experts are looking, please tell me what you think, and please remember Jenna today.


JenJen said...

What a sweet thing for you guys to do and an awesome memory to remember Jenna.

Don't you just LOVE tracking your ovulation? Good times :)

Lori said...

I lost my son, Bailey Andrew, On Nov. 11, 2008 to T18. He was born still at 23 1/2 weeks. The pain is overwhelming. Each day feels like it will never end. Christmas without my bay is so hard. I miss his little kicks and my belly bump. I am really struggling. All I can thinnk of is conceiving again, not to replace Bailey but to restore my hope in life. I am still waiting for my cycle to return and I am afraid it never will because I am 40. I am not only grieving my baby son, Bailey but for the healthy baby I feel like I will never have.
Please email me at: and we can share our journey through the loss of our beautiful T18 angels and to new motherhood.
God's Blessings,