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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Due Date

I have been holding up pretty well since I started taking my anti-depressants pretty regularly. I still have moments when I break down thinking I should have a baby in the house. I know she would have been here by now.

I tried not to break down in front of anyone, but I did last night. It was in front of my aunt, and she told me it would get better. I know it will; it already is better than it was in August.

I am debating about going with Brian and Tessa to his parents. Everyone here says I should go, but I know I will say something if they even look at me wrong. Brian wants to avoid that. How can I forgive them for not coming to her memorial service? Brian told his brother what was wrong, and he said, "Well, Dad just doesn't do funerals."

Brian asked if something had happened to Tessa would he have come to that. Marty said yes, that she was his grandchild. Brian said, "Well, so was Jenna."

I wonder if she really matters that little to everyone on that side of the family.


JenJen said...

Ok, I was in the same spot a few weeks ago that you are in now. My in-laws didn't come to Lily's memorial service either. We went to see them a couple of weekends ago to celebrate Christmas, and needless to say I was not very excited to go because of the same things that you are feeling. Unfornately, you just gotta suck it up...that was a hard pill for me to swallow, because I wanted to yell and scream at them for being so insensitive to their son's feelings...but at the end of the day you have to accept that you can't change others actions, but you can handle how you let their actions affect you. When we were visiting his parents I would just kinda throw Lily's name into conversations (where it would fit) so that they would have to acknowledge her existence. You're in the position that you have Tessa, and it wouldn't be fair to her if you didn't go to her grandparents house for Christmas. Just smile and nod...spike your eggnog...and vent to us when you get back :)

((hugs)) and goodluck!

Hollie said...

I'm so sorry that side is that way. Unfortunately, I know all too well how you feel!

My family was very supportive today. I cried a lot, but they were there for me.

Dh's side on the other hand didn't even ask how we were doing. Didn't mention a damn thing.

Tomorrow is going to be an even harder day for both of us(atleast I imagine), but know that we atleast have some family members there. And that our angels are going to be around more than every tomorrow!

I'll be thinking of you. ((HUGS))

Em said...

I'm thinking of you, Tamara. I'm so very sorry that this isn't the Christmas you had dreamed of.