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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Breaking my heart

Everyday after school, we go through Tessa's backpack to get out the work she has completed and is being sent home and to see what kind of homework she has to do for the night. Most of the night, it's just a little book she needs to read.

One of the papers she had today was a letter to Santa she had written. It said "Dear Santa, I want you to bring me a babe sistr." That's how she spelled it, too. I almost broke down. I told Tessa that she wouldn't be getting a baby sister this year at Christmas, but maybe by next year, she would have a brother or a sister. She was Ok with that.

It just breaks my heart that she wants one so bad, and I can't give it to her. I don't think I'm pregnant this cycle. My temp dropped this morning, and I'm getting my typical pre-period headaches. We'll be moving on to Clomid next cycle.

I have this overwhelming fear we will never get pregnant again. I love Tessa, and I am very happy with her. But, I don't feel like my family is complete. If we don't get pregnant again, how do I move past that?


Brenna's Mom said...

I don't know how to get past it. If you figure it out please let me know.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I'm so sorry. That must have been really hard to read. Sorry about the temp drop and AF symptoms. =(

Erica said...

I found this after I posted my question. I am sorry you have to feel the pain of your child. I think it actually makes grieving worse when you have a child that understands and can grieve with you, but at the same time doesn't understand that getting pregnant "isn't easy".