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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Feeling down tonight

Tonight was Tessa's fall festival at her school. She had a great time along with Luke and Elijah, but being there just made me feel bad. It's like I had a secret, and none of them knew it. The secret was my broken heart and sorrow over losing Jenna. I think I've said this before, but I feel like I'm beyond people who haven't had this kind of loss.

I think a part of it was there was so many children there with their siblings, and Tessa will never have that opportunity with Jenna. It just isn't fair. A lot of tiny baby girls were there, too, and it's so hard to see them. I want my baby girl here with me.

I'm also feeling down because my cycle is so off this time. I've been getting highs on my fertility monitor for eight days now but no peak. I thought I had already ovulated because of my basal body temps but fertility friend isn't giving me my coverline. Here's my chart if anyone wants to look and give me advice.

Also, since I lost my job last week, I've probably applied for 30 freelance jobs. The only ones I've heard back from are the scams. I have the experience, the clips, the know how, why aren't I getting any responses?


Megan said...

Oh, you sound so down...don't give up! Not on your healing, not on your TTC, not on your job search. It's such a lame-o cliche, but everything will get better. Hugs to you.

Hollie said...


I know what you mean about feeling like you have a secret! That's exactly how I've felt, but could never find a way to describe it to anyone else.

Also, I had the same issue you did with the monitor this last cycle. My monitor was giving my high after high, and then I ran out of sticks. I just assumed I had O'd over that one weekend, but decided to do an OPK a few days later, only to get a positive. So If those were right, I O'd way later than I thought!

...I did get pregnant though :)

I'll be hoping for you!! I know how frustrating it is, but you'll get it!

I would help with your chart, but I'm usually the one having others analyze mine, lol