Bittersweet

Even though I am over the moon about Obama's election, I am having some bittersweet moments today.

I had been planning to order a T-Shirt that said Obama Momma with the words "Obama Supporter Inside" to wear while I was pregnant with Jenna. I was planning to wear it when I voted, and I had thought about telling her about how she was inside of me when I voted for the first black president, who I had supported for four years before he was elected.

I also thought it would be wonderful to bring a baby into the world in the same year we looked past color to put the right man into office. She should still be here moving around in my belly, kicking me in my ribs, but instead, she's sitting in an urn on my end table surrounded by angels. How is that right?

It's also bittersweet for me because of my granny. She voted in every election held right up until a few months before she died. She always told me how important voting was. She didn't like Bush at all and would be so glad a Democrat won. She would also liked Obama himself. She always told me that we weren't any better than anyone else, that all people are equal. She practiced what she preached, too.

After both of her inlaws died, she and my grandfather moved into the house on the main farm, which left their home empty. She rented it to a black family, and this was Tennessee in the 1960s. Prejudice was rampant. Her co-workers said bad things about her, about how dirty black people are, but she told me, "They were just as clean as I was. You could eat off her floor. I wasn't any better than they were, so why should I treat them differently?"

She also went to a black dentist during the 1960s, too. She was so brave in standing up for what she believed in, and I know she would have been for Obama.

I also have bittersweet emotions of not being at the newspaper the night he was elected. Even though a part of me is glad I'm gone from there, I can't help but wish I could have helped tally the votes coming, watching the results on television with the newsroom staff, as I have for every election (local, state and national) since 2000.

I will get through this just as I have everything else. It's just sad to me.