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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Two months today

Two months ago today, Jenna was born. No one remembered it again, except for me, but that's all right. I've got to come to expect that people are going to have a hard time remembering her because of how little time she was here.

She impacted me in a big way. I've learned compassionate because of what we went through with her. I go out of my way now to tell people how sorry I am for what they are going through. I take the time to mail cards to those who are hurting. I make phone calls and try to remember the dates of hard times for people.

I've learned not to worry about the small things. Some things are just not important. Being with family, spending time with friends, showing people you care, that is what is important, not how much money we make, what kind of car we drive or the kind of house we live in. Brian and I hardly ever argue anymore. It's just not worth it.

I'm changed forever. I know that. I thought at first, it was for the negative, and in some ways, it is. People ask me all the time how I'm doing. I don't believe I'll ever be able to say fine again. I answer "all right." I will forever be missing a part of my family.

But, after two months, I'm able to see some of the positives of how my life has changed. Of course, I would give back all of those positive changes if Jenna could have been healthy, all of them.


Beth said...

That's good that you are able to see the good that is coming out of Jenna's life. It takes a strong person to see past the pain.

Lindsay said...

I wish I could say the perfect thing to you, but words sometimes fail. Know that I'm sending hugs your way. Have you heard about A Small Victory? They offer a lot of support and encouragement for families who have lost their little ones like you lost Jenna. Here's the link if you want to check it out:


Em said...

Also sending hugs your way.

Tina Rowley said...

Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What a terrible mystery it is, why these things happen. Life doles out some rough lessons. It's true that loss does ramp up our compassion. I had a loss that was massively less severe than yours (an early miscarriage) and it definitely made me feel more tenderly towards all women, particularly those who'd been much farther than the sad road I took a step onto.

Nothing can take away the fact, though, that Jenna was here. I'm glad to learn she existed, and infinitely sorry that she had to go. And I'm sending as much comfort and light to you as I can, though we don't know each other.

I hope for you that joy will eventually sneak back into your life, and I like to imagine that Jenna will be plotting from wherever she is to bring you good things.

A giant hug.