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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Lost interest

One of the things Betty, my former editor, told me yesterday was that Jeff, my former publisher, said it seemed like I had lost interest over the last few months.

I wanted to say, "You think? It's not like I lost a child or anything." Every time I think of him saying that, it pisses me off even more than I'm already pissed off. To rub salt in the wound, he gave the job to his wife, who has no journalism experience. How can that be right? We live in a right to hire, right to fire state, so he can do whatever he wants.

But, back to the topic at hand, the loss of interest. Isn't that a sign of depression, which follows the loss of a loved one? In the last year, I've lost two important people to me, my granny and my child. I know my work wasn't at the top of my list, and I've done a better job. But, I don't believe it affected my section at all. It was still full of local news, still had features (when I had space for them which wasn't often because of bad ad sales) and finished by deadline every day.

I came back to work the day after I got the diagnosis for Trisomy 18. When we went to Atlanta, I took two days off. When Jenna was stillborn, I only took two and a half weeks off, because Betty called and asked me to come back because "Over 50," a magazine I was editor of, was suppose to come out, and no one else could do it.

I called from the hospital after Jenna was born to make sure everything was fine and Justin didn't need help. I haven't lost interest in my job or that paper. I loved that newspaper, and everything we did, the attention to local details, the stories I wrote about little old ladies and men, pictures I took of kids, and book reviews to bring a little culture to our area. Of course, that culture is what got me fired.

Again, I hadn't lost interest, but even if I had, I had more important things on my mind. Give a body time to get over such a devastating event. How insensitive can you be?

It's a wonder I have even been able to get out of bed, let alone go to work some days. I could have completely shut down after the hell I went through, but part of what made me keep going was my dedication to my job. I knew I couldn't let them down. I guess dedication just isn't appreciated any more.


Mackenzie Alexander said...

That was awful of him to say and it makes me angry that he would dare to speak those thoughts outloud. I know not everyone can feel a mother's pain or dispair, but I think there should be some form of compassion.

Beth said...

Wow, I don't really know what to say to this except that I'm sorry. :( I experience that loss of interest some, too. We all do!!