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Sunday, October 26, 2008

Lost friendship

I work with a lady who I used to consider a friend. She has always had a tendency to get on my nerves, but her actions after Jenna was diagnosed have made me dislike her.

The day after we got the diagnosis, I went back to work. I knew I would drive myself sitting at home, looking up information on the Internet, so I went to work where I could keep myself busy. She came over to me and asked me what our options were. I told her, "We can carry to term, or we can end the pregnancy now."

She looked at me and said, "Oh, don't end the pregnancy. Miracles happen every day. You should carry her to term. Don't you want to hold her and get to know her? I know that's what I would want to do."

Every day after that I had to hear about how miracles happen, that God could fix things, that her son almost died during delivery but a miracle occurred. He had the cord wrapped around his neck, and he was delivered by c-section. I know cord accidents are a terrible horrible thing. That's how my granny's youngest baby died. But, her son's happened at the very end of the pregnancy while she was in labor. That's not a miracle to me; it's good medicine on the part of the doctor.

It might seem like nothing, but those days, I didn't need to hear that. I needed her to be a friend, to tell me she was sorry for what I was going through and would support me no matter what decision we made. At the very least, it was insensitive. My other friend at work, who is staunchly pro-life and even adopted two children one of whom speaks out against abortions, didn't do that to me. She even told me she would support me in whatever decision I made. Why couldn't the other friend do so? I was barely functioning. I needed a friend to wrap her arms around me, not tell me what I should do.

Now, I can't trust her. I can't even bring myself to even like her a little bit like I did before. Whenever she says anything, I want to bite her head off, even if I agree with her. When she talks about her teenage daughter, I want to slap her. See, her teenage daughter was pregnant a couple of years ago. She considered adoption, met with the adoptive parents, who then got the room ready and she changed her mind at the last minute. When her little boy was about four months old, she signed off all parental rights and gave him to his father's grandparents. I hate that she did that to the adoptive parents, and I hate that she has a baby with nothing wrong with him and can throw him away.

She is actually the only person who has been this insensitive to my face. I've heard about others from my mom, when they would say things to her, but they haven't actually said it to me. I don't know how to get passed this, and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to look at her the same way again.


Never forgetting Gregory said...

Wow. I can't believe she tried to tell you what to do. That's terrible and I'd probably find it difficult to like her anymore as well. Sorry she couldn't be the friend you needed. Hugs.

Hollie said...

Wow, that's awful! I'm sorry you have to deal with such a rude person at work.

If she ever tries to tell you what "she would do" again, I'd make it a point to tell her not to give you advice until she has been in your situation. Because, quite frankly, she doesn't have a damn clue what you went through, and I guarantee she would be so up in the air it wouldn't be funny.

I just love how people try and tell us what they think is the "right" thing to do when they have NEVER, been in our situations. Not even close!