Hoping for the best

Although we are preparing for the worst, we are also hoping for the best. We have not told "T" about any of the problems. I don't want to tell her anything and put her through any pain when we don't know for sure.

We are still discussing names. We watched the movie Game Plan the other night, and "T" now likes Payton for a girl. "B" isn't too crazy about it, but I kind of like it, which is odd because I've been very into traditional names this pregnancy.

We are also going in the next few days to get "T" a new bed. The baby will use her bed, which is a convertible. "T" is going to get all new bedding, and we are going to take down her Dora wall hangings and probably do something with fairies or unicorns, even though she wants puppy bedding. But, she told me, "I don't care if the covers on the bed matches the stuff on the wall," so I will go with what she wants.

For the past two days, I've really been feeling the baby move a lot. Every time s/he does, I smile. To me, this is a good sign. I've read stories about Trisomy 18 pregnancies, and most of the women didn't feel the baby move until much, much later due to the small size. Many have also said their baby wasn't all that active, and this baby has been. I know nothing is 100 percent, and I probably shouldn't take it as a good sign, but I do. I guess I need all the positives I can right now.

But, in some ways, I feel stuck. I'm afraid to think ahead because I don't know what will happen with this pregnancy. I don't want to get my hopes up and feel so positive about it all, when it could all turn out to be very negative. If I was to think completely positive about all of this and the worst possible news came back, I think I would fall apart. So, even though I'm hoping for the best, I still know the worst could come.