I've been meaning to post about this, but I keep getting other worries on my mind and forget about it. The Sunday after the Fourth, my great-aunt's family held a birthday party for her. She turned 88 this year and is the only great aunt (or uncle even) that we have left.
Her daughter-in-law created a scrapbook for her, which included all eight of her children and her many grandchildren and great-grandchildren. There was even a page in there for my cousin's baby who died at just a few days old and another for another cousin's baby who died in utero.
They also made a DVD full of pictures and included all the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren in it. They featured Christian, the baby who died at just a few days old from CHARGE Syndrome. My mom said she thought they shouldn't have had him on there. This really bothered me, because even though he wasn't here long, he was still her grandchild. Momma said it just brought everyone down.
The baby that died in utero was actually diagnosed with something prenatally. It's been several years ago, even before Tessa was born, and since I was never particularly close to that cousin, I didn't find out what it was. I do know that they were quite far along when they decided to end the pregnancy and decided to terminate (which would be a huge deal for them on that side of the family as most of them are vehemently pro-life in all situations, even for medical terminations), but they had to fly to Kansas to have it done. When they got there, the baby had already died, and they came home to deliver her.
At the party, I asked my mom if she knew what was wrong with the baby. She said she didn't know and suggested I ask my cousin's wife about it if I was curious. I told her that I didn't want to bring back bad memories for her, and my mom said, "Oh, it's been a long time, it probably doesn't bother her anymore."
I said, "That's not something you ever completely get over, Momma. I'm sure it still bothers her."
And, Momma said, "Oh, she's had two kids since then. She probably doesn't even have time to think about it."
Was that insensitive or is it just me? It doesn't matter how many children you, when you lose one, you've lost it forever, and that child is forever in your heart. If the baby had died of SIDS or lived for a few days, would she still say the same thing? I was just floored and a little hurt by what she said, so I didn't say anything else. I wanted to tell her that I bet she thinks about that baby every day.
It makes me wonder if two or three years down the road, when this new baby is here and growing, and Tessa is thriving, will everyone expect me to be over it? Will she expect it not to hurt or me not to think about it? I still think about Jenna every day almost a year later. How can I not?
Living Room with Fireplace Design Ideas
2 years ago