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Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Monday is our big ultrasound. If you go by my dates, I'll be 21 weeks. If you go by doctor's dates (which I do think are off), I'll be 20 weeks, three days.

The ultrasound where we found out Jenna had died was on a Monday. I was 20 weeks, four days. I hate, hate, hate this. I wish it was over, and I already knew everything was fine.

But, I don't, so I have to worry. I hate that I'm superstitious about things, but I am. I wish I had never thought to compare the dates. I wish I had never told Tessa she could go with us. I wish I had never lost a baby to Trisomy 18, so I could still be naive about all of this.

I really, really hate this so much. I'm just glad I can feel the baby move now and have the doppler so I'll know the baby still has a heartbeat right before leave for the appointment.


Beth said...

I'm sorry - I know this is so hard. When I had my 20w ultrasound with this pregnancy, I was terribly nervous. I had no reason to be - I mean there were no bad signs and all of the bloodwork so far was good - but I started crying as soon as I got in the chair for the ultrasound. I was just so nervous! My husband asked them to show us the heartbeat first thing, and after that I calmed down. All of this is to say that you're very normal (or at least like me!) for feeling this way. It can be so scary after what we've been through! I'm sorry the timing is so close for you...I know it will be impossible to not think about Jenna when you go. I'll be thinking about you.

Anonymous said...

I know you are going through a tough time and that Monday cannot come soon enough. Remember the odds are in our favor. I know things are going to be perfect... just wait and see. Hugs!

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

I'll be thinking about ya'll Monday. I remember how nerve racking my "big" u/s was - it was almost sickening. I was so relieved that there was a hb that I kind of blanked on the rest.