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Saturday, July 18, 2009

20 weeks, 5 days

I am 20 weeks, five days, exactly what I was when Jenna was born. She was alive on August 5, 19 weeks and five days, so she died sometime between then and Monday, which was 20 weeks and four days.

After she was born, they said she had probably been dead a couple of days. I remembering thinking I had felt her on Sunday, right before we took Tessa and my nephew Luke to Chuck E. Cheese, but I'm not sure. She was so small, and her movements were just like tiny flutters, so it might not have been that. I like to think that it was, so I would say she probably passed away at 20 weeks and three days.

I am not sure how I feel to be honest. I know this little one is still with us because I can feel him/her moving around, which makes me feel a lot more excited about going into the ultrasound on Monday, but I am also a little sad that tomorrow I will be farther along with this baby than I ever got to be with Jenna. I don't know if sad is exactly the right word for it or not. I'm glad this baby is alive and will have been alive for longer than Jenna ever was. I'm just sad Jenna didn't get to live longer.

2 comments:

JenJen said...

Someone told me that my hardest days with this pregnancy would be when I got past where I was with Lily, and I know you feel the same way when you think back to being pregnant with Jenna.

I can't wait to hear the big news tomorrow and I'll cross my fingers that LO cooperates :)

What day did you have Jenna? I'm trying to get all the dates of my closest dbms for their angel's birthdays...

Mirna said...

Thinking of you and awaiting the big news later! :)