Telling "T" about the baby

I hadn't planned to tell "T" about the baby this soon. In fact, I had planned to wait until her birthday in May to do it. However, I wound up having tonight.

She had a swollen spot on her arm where she got her shots on Monday. It was actually a knot, and I wanted to see about it. I think she was afraid I was going to hurt her, and she struggled against. I was afraid she would accidentally hit me, and I told her she couldn't fight me and why. She said, "Really, you are really going to have a baby. Where is it, your tummy?"

I nodded, and she asked me if the baby could hear what she was saying. I told her I thought it could and she leaned over and said to my tummy, "I love you, baby."

I started crying. I couldn't help it. I am so thrilled to be having a baby, but Tessa and I are so close. I'm so afraid it will keep us from being as close as we are now. I told her she would always be my baby, even with the new one. She said, "I know that, Mommy."

She told again that she wants it to be a boy, and even though I don't really care one way or another, I'm actually hoping it will be a boy. I already have my girl. I tell her all the time that she's my best girl or she's the best girl in the whole world, and if I have another girl, I won't be able to tell either of them that.

She kept looking at me all the time and said, "You have a baby in your belly? You really do?"

I'm finding it as hard to believe as she is.