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Sunday, April 20, 2008

I don't do pregnancy well

I'm going to tell you another dirty little secret. I hated being pregnant. The only parts I did like were feeling "T" kick, seeing her on the ultrasound and knowing in the end I would have the baby I longed for for so long.

I fully expected to love being pregnant. I swore never to complain no matter how sick I was, and I didn't. But, to be fully honest, I wanted to more than anything. I tried to smile no matter how many times I had paid homage to the porcelain gods that day.

You always hear, "Oh, you'll feel better by the second trimester." Nuh-uh. I didn't. I still threw up, but I was only more miserable because I was getting even fatter than I already was.

Most women hear about their healthy glow, but I didn't have one, not unless the blotchy red skin on my face constituted a healthy glow. My skin dried out and flaked, and my nose spread out all over my face. How can you look healthy like that?

It took me a long time to forget about how badly I do pregnancy. It's coming back to me, little by little, as my skin blotches and my stomach turns.

I felt cheated last time because I had wanted a beautiful and perfect pregnancy after having so much trouble conceiving. I guess I'll probably feel that way again this time, although knock on wood, I haven't started throwing up yet. I hope I'm not jinxing myself.

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