So nervous

We go back to the specialist tomorrow for another ultrasound. I looked at the calendar last night, and I'm pretty sure I ovualated March 9. That would put me at six weeks, four days tomorrow. My ticker is a little off, but I'll wait until we can get a date from the ultrasound before I change it.

I am so nervous about this ultrasound. I want to go in and see that tiny little heart flickering away. What about if it isn't beating? Does that mean the pregnancy isn't viable? I'm not sure what I would do at that point. I do know that if this pregnancy ends badly, I'm finished. I can't put myself through this again.

I keep thinking about all the things we have to do tomorrow. I have to go get dye and eggs for Easter, so we can color them on Saturday. I have to get a dress for myself and some shoes for Tessa. My mom is insisting I go to church on Easter, and even though I don't really want to go, I'm going to do it for her.

Anyway, I keep thinking, what if I find out something is wrong? How am I going to be able to cope and do that, too? I also have to cover something Monday night for the newspaper, and I'm wondering if something bad happens will I be up for that. They are already short-handed because the Lifestyles Editor has to be out.

I'm trying to think positive. The nausea was so bad tonight that I had to take a phenergran. I feel like I could sleep for days, and I have to pee every five minutes. My boobs are also sore. But, I know you can have symptoms, and the pregnancy still not be viable.

I guess I'm rambling. I'm exhausted, a little drunk from the phenergran, but I'm writing because I can't sleep. I know I can get through this, but it's so tough waiting. Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow morning.