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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

One year ago

Friday will mark the one year date of us conceiving Jenna. It was the start of series of life changing events for me.

I never thought I would lose a child. Whenever I became pregnant, I always said "I'm going to have a baby," instead of "I'm pregnant." Now, I have to say, "I'm pregnant," because I know a pregnancy doesn't always end with a living baby.

I found out this year that I'm stronger than I ever thought. I don't feel it's bragging to say that anymore. I survived more than most people ever even think about, and I haven't lost my mind yet. I'm still here, still pushing ahead and finding the good in the world.

I found out that one person's story can change minds, and it is our duty to share our stories. I'm not scared to tell people anymore about my opinions at all.

I never realized how much you could miss someone that was never a living breathing being in my life. I already love this little bean that I'm carrying, and I know I wouldn't have her/him without Jenna passing, but I still wish every day that she was here.

Friday, one year to the date Jenna was conceived, we will have our first appointment with the specialist, and I know she and my granny are watching over us, wherever they are.

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