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Thursday, April 9, 2009

So nervous

We go back to the specialist tomorrow for another ultrasound. I looked at the calendar last night, and I'm pretty sure I ovualated March 9. That would put me at six weeks, four days tomorrow. My ticker is a little off, but I'll wait until we can get a date from the ultrasound before I change it.

I am so nervous about this ultrasound. I want to go in and see that tiny little heart flickering away. What about if it isn't beating? Does that mean the pregnancy isn't viable? I'm not sure what I would do at that point. I do know that if this pregnancy ends badly, I'm finished. I can't put myself through this again.

I keep thinking about all the things we have to do tomorrow. I have to go get dye and eggs for Easter, so we can color them on Saturday. I have to get a dress for myself and some shoes for Tessa. My mom is insisting I go to church on Easter, and even though I don't really want to go, I'm going to do it for her.

Anyway, I keep thinking, what if I find out something is wrong? How am I going to be able to cope and do that, too? I also have to cover something Monday night for the newspaper, and I'm wondering if something bad happens will I be up for that. They are already short-handed because the Lifestyles Editor has to be out.

I'm trying to think positive. The nausea was so bad tonight that I had to take a phenergran. I feel like I could sleep for days, and I have to pee every five minutes. My boobs are also sore. But, I know you can have symptoms, and the pregnancy still not be viable.

I guess I'm rambling. I'm exhausted, a little drunk from the phenergran, but I'm writing because I can't sleep. I know I can get through this, but it's so tough waiting. Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow morning.


Beth said...

I will be thinking about you! I know it can be hard, but try to stay positive. :) Keep us posted!

JenJen said...

I know its difficult to keep your mind from going to the bad side of things, because of all that you've been through...unfornately, this nervousness is just a part of any pregnancy, but you've got extra baggage behind the nerves. I'll be thinking of you today, and will be looking for an update...I'm just as nervous for you, so don't keep me hanging :)


Hollie said...

I'll be thinking of you today!! :)

I had my first u/s done at 7wks, and even then the tech told me, "Don't be alarmed if we don't see a heartbeat. You're still really early." My HCG was super high though, so I just knew we would have to see something! And, we did!!

I know you will to!! Keep us posted!

Niff said...

**HUGS** I hope everything goes well.

Btw, I did read once that the stronger the symptoms, the less likely you are to miscarry. Just some food for thought to help with the nerves. :o)