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Monday, May 11, 2009

Today

Today is Tessa's sixth birthday, but it is also nine months to the day that we found out that Jenna had died. I have tried to focus on Tessa's birthday, so I wouldn't ruin the day for her. Tomorrow, it will have been nine months since Jenna was born, and I think I'll let myself grieve then.

Tonight, we were at my mom's, and my brother said something insensitive. I tried to say something back to him but my nudged me and shushed me. I was so mad, at her and at him. I hate how she plays favorites, but it also brings back memories of what he said to me several months ago. He told me that Jenna's death was God's way of telling me we shouldn't have any more children.

Even though my belief in God is sketchy right now, it still bothered me that he said it. You don't say something like that to a grieving parent. He also asked me once if Jenna looked like a real baby and why would I want to see that. He just isn't the most sensitive person on the planet, and if I didn't love his wife and sons, I would probably avoid him a lot more than what I do.

Anyway, I brought it up tonight to my mom that I didn't appreciate her nudging me and shushing me, and she said she didn't want a fuss. Well, why didn't she say something to him? It's because he is her favorite, always has been. I told her about the things he had said in the past, and you know what she said, "Well, he probably shouldn't have said it, but....," and launched into a defense of him.

No, he shouldn't have said it, period, not probably shouldn't have said. How do you get past someone saying that to you, especially when it's your brother?

Should I just let it go? It doesn't help that him being insensitive tonight of all nights just brought up all of his insensitive comments in the past.

4 comments:

Mirna said...

So sorry to hear that you were hurt by your insensitive brother. You know sometimes I just wish I had a magic wand so I could just make all the hurt and pain disappear into thin air. I have so much to say but I don’t have the right words…
I mean I could say: ' aargh just ignore him" etc etc... but I know being pregnant doesn't make you stronger. Best is, try not to let that get to you. Focus on what makes you happy. Just ignore him. There are heaps of loved ones who care about you deeply. In the meantime: here's a big hug for you!:)

JenJen said...

Ugh! We can expect to receive crappy/insensitive comments, but we should be able to receive compassion and understanding from our family. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that.

I don't know what to tell you, because I would have just gone off on him, mom or no mom. Maybe, you could just call him and explain how his comments are upsetting you. I don't know if thats feasible or not, but otherwise, I would probably just move on.

Hollie said...

Wow! I'm so sorry you had to endure that!

Had it been me, I probably would have went off right the and there. I can always explain myself later, I don't care, but NO ONE has any right to say the things your brother has said to you. I'm sickened right now that he would have even thought of some of the stuff he's said to you!

Have you thought of maybe calling him and saying something to him? I know it won't take back what he said, but I also know that it's got to be eating away at you :(

Beth said...

I like Hollie's suggestion that you say something to him, but maybe you should try doing it in writing since you're a writer. Writing letters usually works for me because I have time to think through what I'm saying.

I'm sorry you had to put up with that. :(