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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Due on Thanksgiving

Being due on Thanksgiving scares me a little. I was due on Christmas with Jenna and look what happened. I'm so afraid of another holiday being ruined for me.

Christmas will never be the same now that Jenna is gone. I know I will always feel at least a little sadness on that day because our second child is not here.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. In fact, it probably is my favorite holiday. Even though I'm not religious, I think it's a wonderful idea to be thankful and grateful for all the good things in your life. How am I going to feel if we lose this baby, too?

I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's really hard when you've experienced a loss. Also, I think I know too much now. I keep thinking that I'll be able to stop worrying once we have the CVS done, but I know that isn't quite true. Being a member of deadbabymoma land, I know there is still a chance for uterine rupture, premature rupture of membranes, cord accidents, unexplained fetal demise and premature birth. And, after that, there is always SIDS.

I guess I'm just hoping that come Thanksgiving, I'll have even more to be thankful for this year, and it won't be a ruined holiday for me.

4 comments:

Niff said...

***HUGS***

I can only imagine how bittersweet this is for you. On one hand you have what you've wanted so desperately for months... but on the other hand, now you have a whole new world of worries. I know this is easy to say and hard to do (I have difficulty completing this task from time to time), but try to just enjoy each day. Every day you have is another blessing and another miracle. It should be celebrated. What happens tomorrow will happen whether or not you ponder on it... so why ruin today?

Beth said...

I know what you mean...now I'm not only afraid of what happened to me before, but of all of the other things that have happened to the babies of my online friends! But just think about how many healthy babies you know...that's what gives me hope. :)

Grace said...

I have been following your blog, even though I don't post comments anymore and I am so happy to hear that you are expecting a rainbow baby!
As I am not good at words, all I would like to say is: have a healthy and happy pregnancy!
Congrats!!!
I am sooooooo happy for u!!!

Ashleigh said...

Tamara,
I just had my heart jump out of my chest! Thanksgiving..what a blessed day to have a child. It made me a mother in 2002 after losing 2 pregnancies, and I pray it will bring such happiness to you as well.

Love ya,
Ashleigh