Scared to death

Most of time, I'm really excited about having another baby. We've been talking about names and planning the nursery. But, on the other hand, I'm scared to death and think, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

I hope this is normal. I took Clomid to get pregnant, and I'm still thinking that at times. Tessa is five years old and going to be starting kindergarten in the fall. We're through all of the terrible stages. Now, I'm starting all over again.

Besides that, I don't do pregnancy or labor and delivery well at all. I was sick the entire time with Tessa. So far, it hasn't been too bad, except for headaches, occassional nausea and fatigue. Today, the nausea was really bad, and I'm so scared I'm starting in with it like I did with Tessa. Of course, with her, I started in with the nausea much earlier and had been throwing up for two or three weeks by this point.

I'm scared to death of labor. I could actually have a panic attack just thinking about it. It took me a long time to even start thinking about getting Clomid because of how bad my experience with Tessa was. It was a nightmare. I had contractions off the chart when I was only one centimeter dilated. I had a terrible reaction to Stadol. Tessa had her first bowel movement in the womb and aspirated on it. My blood pressure went to stroke level.

Now, when I think of labor, I can actually feel a panic attack coming on. I just quit thinking about it. I told my aunt that I was scared the other day (but I didn't tell her how scared), and she said, "It's a little too late for that."

I guess it is. I guess I'll be discussing this with my doctor at our first appointment, too.