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Monday, August 3, 2009

Several things

First of all, I want everyone to keep Jen in their thoughts as today was her Lily's birthday. She has been a wonderful friend to me through this journey through the pain of losing a child. We both would have had children in December last if the worst hadn't happened to us, and we both lost our daughters in August. It might have been for different reasons, but the outcome was the same. We both had broken hearts. I lit a candle for Lily tonight and let it burn for about an hour. I also lit Jenna's candle beside it so they could burn together.

Second, I've been feeling a lot better about Tessa this weekend. I think venting about it here helped a lot. Plus, her behavior this weekend was outstanding, even with me. I know part of it was that we had gone to visit my inlaws, and I had made her promise to be on her best behavior. But, it proved to me that she could do it, and she even kept it up today after we left. I took her out to dinner just the two of us, and she was great.

Also, sometimes, I forget she's a grieving sister, too. Today, she looked at Ella's ultrasound pictures, and she said, "Is she all right?"

I said, "Yes, she's very healthy."

Tessa replied, "For now, right?"

I had to explain to her that Ella was healthy and wouldn't leave like Jenna did. After I did that, Tessa said, "So, she's here to stay?"

I said, "Yes, I'm sure she's going to be around for a long time."

And, she said, "Good, I want this one to stick around for a long time."

It almost broke my heart to hear her say this. At first, I really tried to help her in her grief, but since she kind of stopped talking about it, I thought she was better. She would mention Jenna every so often, but not in a grieving sort of way. I never thought she might be scared, almost as scared as Brian and I have been, of losing Ella, too. I know she's not over it and will remember losing Jenna for the rest of her life.

So, now I know she can behave with me, and while I do think we will have some behavior problems come November when the baby gets here, I'm not as sure it will be as bad as I thought. I'm also going to try to be as sensitive to her grieving process as I was in the beginning of this journey.

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