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Monday, June 8, 2009

15 weeks and dreams

I am 15 weeks pregnant today, and I can remember vividly being 15 weeks with Jenna. I was looking forward to Fourth of July and my next doctor's appointment, which was going to be at 16 weeks.

I knew we would make our appointment for the big ultrasound at that appointment. We did make the appointment at 16 weeks, but we weren't able to keep it. Our gender ultrasound would have been Aug. 4, the day after we got back from our disastrous trip to Atlanta.

Fifteen weeks was the last happy time I had with Jenna's pregnancy. We had our 16 week appointment on a Monday, and then I got the call on Wednesday that the results from our AFP test came back positive. From there, our lives changed forever.

I guess it's just the deju vu feeling all over again. My next appointment will be a little farther along, at 18 weeks, but we will be making our gender appointment at that visit. Hopefully, we won't have to wait four more weeks, but we can get it done in two. I know I won't be having the AFP test done, but it still worries me. I just wish I could get to 20 weeks and 5 days. I know I will feel better after that.

It also doesn't help that I've been having dreams of losing this baby. I've had two so far. I don't really remember the first dream, just that I know the baby was gone. The second one happened at about 20-something weeks, but I don't remember the details. I also had a dream that my aunt, who is in her 60s and has had a hysterectomy, was pregnant. She was walking along, grabbed her stomach, and a tiny red baby (about the size Jenna was) fell out of her pants leg. It was just so strange.

I also dreamed I gained 150 pounds from one appointment to the next, so I know dreams don't have to be prophetic or mean anything. I know it's just my anxiety causing me to dream this.

3 comments:

Beth said...

I know what you mean about getting past certain points in the pregnancy...been there! I also happened to have a dream about losing Eleanor just last night. I knew I'd given birth to her, but I couldn't find her. I kept searing in different rooms (I was in a school for some reason instead of a hospital) but I couldn't find her anywhere. Then my mom told me that she was upset that the blood work didn't show what happened, so I knew Eleanor had died. It was awful. The only positive part of the dream was that I fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans within hours of giving birth...HAH!

JenJen said...

What interesting and scary dreams. I can't wait for all of our babies to get here safely. I don't know about you, but it feels like the days are dragging now.

Mirna said...

Wow Girls! To me time flies! I can sometimes not believe when I see how far some of you are! I guess I have forgotten how slow time passed when I was pregnant. Especially the last 8 weeks.... You are all on my prayer list and I eagerly await all of your babies! Hang in there! :)