Tessa's test results

I met with the psychologist today to discuss Tessa's test results. I had a serious case of deju vu on the way down there because we found out Jenna had Trisomy 18 on a Wednesday. I heard some songs on the radio that made me cry, so on the way to Murfreesboro, I cried and got it out of my system. I didn't want the psychologist to think I was a dork or anything.

We first went over her IQ testing. She scored a 100, which is average. IQ falls on a Bell curve (so funny that I just studied this last semester in statistics and cognitive psychology), and anything between 90 and 110 is considered "average" or "normal."

The testing scored her IQ and then went on to test her ability. After this, the two were compared for any discrepancies. On the ability testing, she did well in her working memory, math skills and verbal comprehension. She actually scored above average on her math skills. She lagged behind with almost all of the reading.

One of the biggest discrepancies came with processing information. The way they tested this was at the top of a piece of paper was a bunch of shapes. Inside the shapes was a symbol. Below that, empty shapes filled the page, and Tessa had to fill in as many as she could with the correct symbol. Her doctor said most kids finished the entire page in the allotted time. Tessa was only able to do three lines.

In order to say she has a learning disability (dyslexia), the discrepancy would have to be at least 16 points. Tessa's was 14. The psychologist feels she does have a learning disability, but he can't diagnose it at this time because of the scores.

He did diagnose her with ADHD -- ADHD-Nos to be exact. This means ADHD-non-specified. She got that diagnosis because she isn't hyperactive and impulsive but is instead inattentive and impulsive. He recommended medication, and we go tomorrow to her pediatrician (a new one because her former one told me Tessa was just yanking my chain when we went to see her back in February) for a prescription.

He recommended we not hold her back in first grade. He said if it was him, he would allow her to go to second grade, put her in a Resource or Title 1 reading class and get her an afternoon tutor. At the end of the school year, we would test her again, either through the school system or through him. I have a call into the school now, and I plan to push to have her moved to second grade. I will tell the principal it is what the psychologist recommended.

So, now I have a bit of a plan, and after tomorrow, we will have a partial strategy for coping with the ADHD. I don't want to do meds that are going to make her sleepy and a zombie, but I want one that will actually help her. Let's hope we can find it right away.

I promise I'll never....

My best friend and I were discussing our moms last night, and we both said there were several things our moms had done that we weren't going to do to our girls. As I was trying to go to sleep last night, I thought this might be a good thing to post about regularly. This first one happened over 15 years ago, and I can just now, barely, laugh about it. You, on the other hand, will probably have no problem laughing.

I promise you, Tessa and Ella, that I will never come out on Madison Street in my nightgown looking for you in the midst of lockdown, standstill Horse Show traffic. I have to set the scene on this one because you totally won't understand unless I do. Each year, our town hosts the World Championship Walking Horse Celebration. More than 100,000 people pour into our town that normally holds a little under 17,000. Each night, when the Horse Show lets out, Madison Street, the main road, is worse than rush hour traffic on the Interstate. It's just deadlocked.

So, during Horse Show 1994, I was 17 years old and had just broken up with my boyfriend. At the time, I had a thing for guys who wore skin tight Wranglers and cowboy hats. Throw in a pair of dusty cowboy boots, and I was hooked. One guy in town fit this mold to a "T." He was the real thing, had even competed in a few rodeos and had the cutest behind I had ever seen. We'll call him JF.

The main past time for kids here during the 80s and 90s was riding up and down Madison Street. It was how I passed many a Friday and Saturday night. It was how I met my first boyfriend, and it's how I finally got to talk to JF. This Saturday night, I was riding around with my cousin and my best friend, and JF had seen the car load of girls earlier in the night and had flirted with us ever since, especially at red lights. He finally motioned for us to pull over at Sonic, and we did. He asked us to ride around in his truck, and we did.

I had a certain time to be home, so my cousin, who didn't have a curfew, invited my friend and I to both spend the night. We called my mom (from a pay phone, no one had cell phones back then) and asked if I could. She let us, but I didn't tell her we were riding around with JF. About this time, we remembered we had to pick up my younger cousin who was at the horse show with friends and take her home. We thought it would be funny to pick her up in his truck and surprise her, because she also knew who JF was. When we picked her up, she wanted to ride with us, but we told her no. She was so mad.

When she got home, she called my mom and told her a bunch of BS about JF. I can't even remember now what all she told her, but it propelled my mom out the door, in her nightgown, into the big brown station wagon and onto Madison Street.

We were oblivious to all of this, having a good time talking and laughing with JF. His personality was just as good as his looks. It was especially good because we were stuck in the middle of traffic and would be there for a while, giving him plenty of time to get to know us.

I was looking out at the traffic when all of a sudden I spotted her. I couldn't help but say, "Oh my gosh, that's my momma."

I guess she heard me, because she yelled out, "Tamara Shea Green, all four of you, get to our house. NOW."

Imagine a sea of cars, a sea of people inside and their heads snapping around all at once to look at the screaming banshee in the big brown boat hanging half out the window, shaking her fist and in her NIGHTGOWN.

My cousin told JF to take us back to her car, and we would handle it, but he wouldn't hear of it. He went with us to my parents house to listen to my mom berate us about getting in the vehicle with a man who was known to take advantage of innocent young girls (this had to be from my cousin, because my mom had never heard of him before this night). All he did was stand against the wall, his hat in his hand and said at one point, "I see my reputation proceeds me here."

To top off the embarassment, my stepfather couldn't let my mother do it all alone. Here he comes, out of the bedroom, in his tight whiteys and sits down on the couch for God and all to see. I was mortified.

Several years later, my husband worked with JF. When JF found out who Brian was married to, he said, "I feel so sorry for you. I would have asked her out, but I didn't want to deal with her crazy mother."

So, I promise, I will never, ever, ever do that to you, girls. EVER.

Baby Bukies -- The Icing on the Cake, free shipping for my readers

When Shannon Mattocks was just six years old, she was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer. Within days of starting treatment, her pretty long blonde hair began to fall out, on her dinner plate, her pillow, just about everywhere. "I was so embarassed," she said, "so my mom went out and had this lady hand make these pretty little hats for me. Needless to say, this is where my love of hats came in."

On the cancer ward, she was normal, but out in the real world, people stared at her. "My hats gave me a shield against all of the stares of the world," she said. As she grew up and overcame cancer, she knew she wanted to give back to cancer patients someday -- through the gift of hats.

She teamed up with a college friend, Joy Gatz, and Baby Bukies was born. "Joy does all of the graphics, posting to our sites and helps in the design of the hats," she said. "She is a very colorful girl and pushes me to incorporate bright colors."

Their goal is to have the company become successful enough to be able to afford to make extra hats and donate them to all the boys and girls that need their own shield against the stares, just as Shannon did. She hopes to someday have a Web site for moms to come in and post a picture of their child who is going through cancer. "Then everyone can see as they purchase from me what we all are working towards -- putting a little hat on a cancer patients head," she said.

The hats are beautifully made and come in a wide variety of colors and styles. They come in sizes from newborn to 4T and are hoping to add hats for four to 10 year olds next year.

Photographers, listen up. You can increase your profits by taking pictures of a child with these hats and include the hat as part of the package. Mothers will love the photographs and having a tangible memory of it.

Their items can be found at http://www.bonanzle.com/booth/babybukies"> www.etsy.com/shop/trendykids or http://www.etsy.com/shop/trendykids"> So give your little one a little icing on the cake with a Baby Bukies' hat. If you mention Smiles for Jenna or Motherhood the Sequel, you'll get free shipping.

Perfect Family

I can't tell you how many times I've had someone ask me "Are you going to try again for a boy?" since Ella was born in November, making me feel as though people value boy babies more than girls.

My answer is always no. For one thing, my doctor has said I don't need to do another pregnancy. I've had one baby who developed IUGR, lost a one to Trisomy 18 and then had my placenta break down early and blood pressure skyrocket enough for me to have to go on bedrest with the last baby. My body is just not cut out to have babies, and the people who ask me this are often ones who know my history.

I have so many other reasons for not having another baby, money, room, time...I could go on and on. But, if I wanted to have another, it would not be to have a boy. My family is complete; I don't need a male child to have it be so.

I've also heard that the perfect family is a boy and a girl. Why is this so? I thought a perfect family was one that loved each other, no matter what the dynamics were. I think we are perfect just the way we are.

One person even went so far as to tell me Brian deserved a son. Does a man have to have a son to feel complete? I don't buy this. Brian has told me more than once he is happy with his girls. He doesn't want a son because of how bad his own relationship is with his dad. Besides, men are ultimately the ones who are responsible for whether or not their children are male and female, even if it is unintentional.

All of this makes me feel women and girls are highly undervalued in our society. I don't feel like I've failed as a women and a wife because we've had all girls. I don't think we are any less of a family because females outnumber males in this household. We make up a perfect family because we love each other; we don't need a male baby for that to happen.

Besides, with our track record, three pregnancies -- three girls, we probably would never have a boy anyway.

Just a few more months --- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

My long time readers know how much I love Harry Potter. A co-worker turned me onto the books in 2000, and I have been hooked ever since. I geek out on Harry Potter. When the final book came out in 2007, we dressed Tessa up as Hermione and took her to the release party. She had a great time, and so did we.

Since there are no more books to be released, I eagerly look forward to the movies. Last year, we went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for my birthday. This year, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out two days after Ella's birthday. I can't wait to see it, even though that means my baby will be one, sniff sniff. The trailer came out today, and I'm going to attempt to post it here. How lame is it that I got goosebumps and teared up over it.

In 2008, I truly believe the series, along with the TV show The Golden Girls, kept me from losing my mind when we lost Jenna. It was escapism, pure and simple. I re-read the books the entire time, from the time we received the AFP results to the trip to Atlanta to the day she was born. When we came home, I kept reading. JK Rowling is my literary hero, and one of these days, when I can do it without bawling, I'm going to write her a letter and tell her how much her books mean to me.

Monday Minute

I got the idea from this post from the funny man at http://www.thedailydoseofreality.com/. He is hilarious. I just discovered him this morning, and I'm glad I did. I'll be following him and reading every day. Since I'm hopeless and horrible at HTML and getting these buttons to work, I cheated by uploading the pic and including a link to the blog. Here are the questions and my answers.

1. Has anyone you've known personally lived to at least 100?

It depends on how you define personally. None of my close family members have, but my granny's sister came close at 98. However, when I worked for the newspaper, I interviewed people who lived to be 100 all the time. These were my favorite stories. I even interviewed a man who was 106 once. While I don't really miss the newspaper business, I do miss talking to these people and telling their stories.

2.What material possession do you value the most?

Besides pictures of Tessa and Ella and Jenna's urn, I have two items that rank right up there. One is the quilt my granny made me. She made one for each of her grandchildren, and it's hand sewn and hand appliqued. I so wish I had gotten her to teach me to quilt before she died. I used my quilt so much that it's starting to get frayed, so now it's put up. My other is my dragonfly jewelry collection. At Jenna's memorial service, we read a poem about a dragonfly. So many people have given me dragonfly jewelry, and I have bought several pieces. They remind me of her.

3. What do you think happens to us after we die?

I think if we've lived a good life and been kind to people and tried our best not to hurt anyone, we go to Heaven and join our loved ones there. If not, I'm not sure what happens. I have a hard time with the idea of hell, but being raised as a Christian makes it hard for me to give it up.

4. Most embarassing item in your house?

Hmmm, I don't really know. Maybe my husband's Playboy magazines that he got before we were married. They are put up in the top of the closet so Tessa can't find them, but he insists on keeping them because he says they are/will be collector's items some day.

5. If you could rename yourself, what would your name be?

Probably Laura. I want something simple, easy to spell and pronounce. No one ever gets Tamara right.

Getting to Know you Sunday

I've stolen this idea from a couple of the blogs I follow, but I thought the questions were cute. So here goes. I'm supposed to put a button here for you to go to her blog, but I couldn't get the html to work, so here's a link -- http://www.mannland5.com/

1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?

Right now, I would get my tooth implant. In 2001, I was in a serious car accident and hit my face on the steering wheel. I damaged a couple of teeth on one side and wound up having to a have a root canal. Fast forward to March of this year. I was eating a salad, and the tooth I had the root canal on broke off to the root. They had to go in and remove. Since we didn't have dental insurance at the time, I couldn't afford to get an implant, but I did get a flipper, which no longer fits very well now because my teeth had shifted. If it was one of my back teeth, it wouldn't be a big deal, but it's the one right next to my two front teeth so it shows every time I smile. One of Tessa's friends asked me if I hadn't brushed them very well. Oh well, insurance goes into effect July 1, and I am going to be getting my implant.

2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?

No, not since college, although I did tune in for Mrs. Horton's funeral on Days of Our Lives as you can see from the post below. I don't think I even watch any of the night time soaps, unless you count Criminal Minds or House.

3. Favorite Clothing Brand?

I don't really have a favorite brand. I know that's terrible, but I don't look at name brands when I'm buying stuff. I do love the clothing at Lane Bryant, but I am such a cheapskate that I either buy it at consignment stores or at Goodwill. I can, however, be a clothes snob when it comes to my girls. For them, I love Gymboree, Osh Kosh and The Children's Place.

4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?

Maid service for year. I would take soo advantage of that. I might be a stay at home mom, but I'm not the typical one, who cooks and cleans and loves it. I like cooking, to a degree, but Brian is so much better at it. I HATE cleaning. It is one of those necessary evils of life, so I do it, but if I can get out of it, all the better, especially if it's free.

5. Would you ever vajazzle?

Ok, I was totally clueless, so I had to look this up. Seriously, women do this? What do they use to make the jewels stick? Wouldn't that hurt trying to get them off? From what I gather, they do a design, but what about if some of the crystals fell off? Wouldn't that look awful, therefore defeating the purpose of vajazzling in the first place? I just don't really get why anyone would do that, so I guess my answer is no.

6. Favorite Disney Princess?

Hands down, it's Belle. She loves to read, she's smart, she's funny, she solves problems on her own. She isn't wishy washy and doesn't need a man to protect her. In fact, she tries to protect her own father. Love her.

7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?

Don't laugh, but Toy Story 3. We took Tessa to see it on Father's Day, and I cried my eyes out over the end. I was happy to learn I wasn't the only one who did that. It's a great movie; you really should see it.

8. Have you broken any bones and if so, what?

Hahahahaha. I used to be the accident prone queen. It all started my sixth grade year when I broke my leg playing football in the yard with my brother and other boys in the neighborhood. I went on to have broken my thumb, my wrist, my foot three times (twice for the left, three times for the right) and my collarbone. My medical bills nearly broke my parents there for a while.

So, that's it. I hope my readers will do this, too.