School issues for Tessa

We've been dealing with some issues with Tessa at school this year. She has a lot of trouble finishing her work on time. I've met with her teacher, who feels as though Tessa doesn't have a learning disability (like ADD or dyslexia, both of which Brian has so she stood a chance of having them, too). Her teacher thinks she is just on the immature side.

I agree that she's immature. It's probably mostly my fault because I've babied her. In some ways, I regret this, because of the trouble she is having now, but on the other hand, I still think children should be children as long as they can.

At our parent teacher conference last week, she said a few things that didn't set well with me. She said Tessa could get an IEP for immaturity. I know this is not true. She has to be diagnosed with a learning disability, which we don't think she has. I questioned the teacher about a diagnosis, and she went on to say that her scores on an achievement test would be a diagnosis. I don't believe this. I've been told and have read that she has to be diagnosed with a learning disability before getting an IEP. I was also told it has to be done by a licensed child psychologist or a doctor for this to happen. Later, she told me she expected Tessa to regress when Ella arrives and that school would be her safe haven. That made me cry.

So, this afternoon, Tessa came and sat down on my lap and layed her head against me. She said, "I had a bad day today." I made her tell me what happened. For the past week or so, she has been hiding the work she doesn't get finished with inside her desk. I guess her teacher found out today about it. Well, she made Tessa stand aside, picked up her desk and shook all the papers out in front of the whole class. Tessa said her school box flew out, broke open and her crayons went everywhere. She humiliated my girl in front of everyone. I am in tears just typing that.

Tessa said she stood there about to cry and shaking from being afraid, and the teacher told her that she better not cry, that she would send her to the principal's office. We were at my aunt's house when she told me this, and we were both horrified about it. It's one thing to scold a child or reprimand her; it's quite another to humiliate her in front of the entire class. She said everyone was staring at her while she tried to pick up her crayons and afterward, too.

Then, a little while later, she didn't let Tessa leave when the school day ended. She told her she couldn't go home until her work was done, and she would just have to miss the bus. Of course, this frightens Tessa because it's her way home. If her teacher had caused her to miss the bus, she would have called me. What if I worked outside the home and couldn't have come then? Last year at this time, I was working in Tullahoma and couldn't have been there in time to get her. How is it fair to a child to do that?

I am going to pursue a meeting between me, the teacher and the principal. I actually interviewed him this summer because it's his first job as a principal. He's been an assistant principal for a few years and has worked with at-risk students during that time. He is also dyslexic, so he knows what students with problems go through. I don't think he will like the teacher humiliating her that way. I've talked to a few online teacher friends who said the teacher's behavior wasn't right. I was afraid my pregnancy hormones were causing me to freak out, but they were quick to reassure me that I wasn't.

Tonight, Tessa said, "I think she's just not the right teacher for me." I think she might be right. I hate to switch her around, but I don't want her to be in a class where the teacher is going to humiliate her and make her feel inferior.

Doctor's appointment today

I had my 33 week appointment today. Dr. McGowen is still wanting to go by one of the earlier ultrasounds and say my due date is Dec. 4 instead of Nov. 30, so it would be my 32.5 week appointment. However, I'm sticking with the Nov. 30 one because I just have a feeling she's coming in November.

Off on a tangent here, but if you go by my last period, I am due Nov. 26. The very earliest ultrasound put me at Dec. 4, which is why Dr. McGowen wants it there. The 12 week ultrasound showed Nov. 30, which is what my ovulation date (when I think I probably ovulated; I'm not sure) puts me at. Of course, Ella will come when she's ready.

Back on tangent, I had gained two pounds today. Overall, Dr. McGowen is very, very happy with my weight gain. I gained 10 pounds in the first month, but she doesn't want to count that because I was eating then to keep from getting sick. I've gained about nine pounds, not including the 10 in the beginning.

Dr. McGowen made a comment again about not having a big baby. Dr. Redden, at my last appointment, said the same thing. Dr. McGowen has said it several times, so today, I finally asked her about it. I said I didn't know if I was reading too much into it or maybe she said it for all of her patients. And, she said, no, that she doesn't think I can deliver an eight pound baby. She said I might even have trouble with a seven pound one. However, she said she didn't want me to have a C-section, and we would wait and see.

She looked over my chart and said that with our history, she's going to schedule another ultrasound. I thought she meant Jenna, but she said she thought I had atypical presentation pre-eclampsia with Tessa. I've often wondered about that. Whenever I went in for appointments while I was pregnant with Tessa, my blood pressure was never high. However, for the last two months of my pregnancy, I had horrible, horrible headaches and swelling. I have also never told very many people this, but I felt so spacey during those last two months. I had a lot of dizziness and it didn't take me much to set me off into a rage. I actually dreamed of killing my mother-in-law. I also never had any protein in my urine, so they didn't suspect it.

My doctor told me today that those other symptoms can be indicative of high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia. She said some women just never show up with high blood pressure in the office. What made them suspect it and what made Dr. LaRoche put it in my chart (she was the doctor who saw me while I was pregnant with Tessa) was that my blood pressure skyrocketed the night I went into labor with Tessa. It was at stroke level, and I had to have double the amount of magnesium most women get to bring it back down. Also, Tessa weighed five pounds, seven ounces and was 17 inches long. Dr. LaRoche called it "IUGR due to severe pre-eclampsia." That's what was written on my chart, and I had never heard before that that was the reason for Tessa's small size.

So, because of all that, I am having an ultrasound at my 35 week appointment. Dr. McGowen said I'm measuring right on time, so she doesn't think the baby is small. She wants to make sure the baby isn't small, in case I've got the atypical presentation pre-eclampsia again, but she also wants to make sure she isn't too big since I don't have a big enough pelvis to deliver a bigger baby.

I'll be honest, I don't care either way if I have a C-section. My sister, cousin and aunt all three had really easy ones, and I don't need to deliver vaginally to feel fulfilled about Ella's birth experience. When I had Tessa, I had a second degree tear. My labor was an awful experience, and I didn't have an easy time having her at all. Now, I'm not going to run out and schedule an elective c-section because of all that, but the truth be told, labor and delivery scare me after what happened with Tessa. However, I know Dr. McGowen is on top of things, and all will be fine.

Feeling overwhelmed

As much as I hate to admit it, especially with my friend Jen in the hospital hoping to stay pregnant as long as she can, I am officially over being pregnant. I am extremely grateful that I am carrying this life around, but I'm ready for her to be here.

But, then on the other hand, I'm not. Her room isn't even close to being finished. Between going to school full-time, being a mother and a wife, and Brian working 12-14hours a day, we just haven't had a chance to do it. The room has been used for storage for the past year or so and desperately needs to be cleaned out. Brian was off on Monday and got started on it, but I was sick and wasn't able to. I went to urgent care that night and was diagnosed with a sinus, throat and double ear infection.

The only thing I can take for it is a Z-Pak and Benadryl. So far, it's helping my throat and sinuses, but my ears are a raging mess. I need ear drops, but you can't take them during pregnancy. I'm actually thinking of calling the ear, nose and throat specialist I saw a few years ago to see if he will see me, then talk to Dr. McGowen about what I can do to get my ears better.

We still have to paint the walls, have the floor steam-cleaned, hang curtains, set up the crib, put the bedding (which I don't have yet) on it and do all the last minute things to get the nursery ready. It doesn't help that my shower, which I'm extremely grateful for, isn't until Oct. 25. I didn't want to buy anything else (I've already bought the travel system, some clothes, a diaper bag, some diapers, a package of bottles and other little things), until I saw what I got from the shower. So, after the shower, I'll have approximately a month to get it all set up. Is that even enough time, especially with how hectic are schedules are?

Don't get me wrong; I'm extremely grateful to be going to school and for DH to have a good paying job. It just seems like whenever we have any time off, we always have something else we have to do. We're going out of town this weekend for Brian's 20th reunion, so it will be another week before we can do anything.

This isn't even the start of my worries. I am so scared I'm going to love Tessa more than Ella, and I'm scared I'll play favorites just like my mom does. I don't want that to happen. I'm worried that us having a baby is going to scar Tessa for life, since she's so used to it just being the three of us.

I'm scared I won't be able to handle two children. I'm afraid Brian isn't going to be much help because his schedule is so weird. All I ever hear from him is how he needs at least eight hours of sleep to function. Well, I can't tell you the last time I got eight hours of continuous sleep. I would love to get that, but it's not going to happen. I think he's going to have to suck it up and lose a little sleep after Ella is born to help me out.

I am also getting scared that something might be wrong with Ella, just as there was with Jenna. I know, logically, that she's fine. She's growing right on target, her ultrasound looked great, and she's still here with me at 32 weeks. All of my blood work came back negative for any problems, but since I didn't have the amnio, I'm stuck wondering and waiting. I now wish I had gone ahead and done it.

My moods are awful right now. I snap at Brian, at Tessa, my mom, and to be honest, I'm pretty short with anyone who gets on my nerves. I don't have a lot of patience these days. That is my biggest symptom of depression, even more than sadness.

I asked my doctor at my last appointment if I could go back on my Zoloft, which works wonders for me in the past. She said I could but also warned that Ella could experience withdrawal symptoms after she was born from it. I'm going to try to stick it out because I don't want her to go through that. However, I just want to feel like me again, or at least, the me on Happy Pills, which is when I feel normal. She did tell me they could put me on Wellbutrin (which has never worked for me at all) or Prozac (which I've never used), but I love how Zoloft works for me. She said I can start it in the hospital as soon as Ella's born and take it while breastfeeding, too.

I guess I just need to focus on the fact that it's all almost over with, but that sends me into a panic, too. How can I be so happy about something yet so overwhelmed at the same time?

Trisomy 18

I wish I had more time to blog, but school is really taking up a lot of my time lately. I want to be caught up and ahead by the time Ella comes, so I'm working extra hard. Besides that, my astronomy class has gotten a lot harder. I have a really low B right now, and if I can pull a C out of it, I will be happy. On a good note, though, I have As in all my other classes, and a perfect score in history.

Today, I had to do a three page Internet activity for my developmental psychology class. It was over birth defects and genetic counseling. The first sheet required us to go to the March of Dimes Web site, and we had to identify three birth defects or disorders. I thought I would definitely do Trisomy 18, since I know so much about it. Imagine my surprise when it didn't have its own category. Instead, it was lumped in with Down Syndrome and other chromosomal disorders. Down Syndrome had its own category though.

I realize Down Syndrome is much more common than Trisomy 18, and I know they are related to each other. But, I still think a defect that affects one in 3,000 pregnancies and one in 6,000 births should have its own category on the March of Dimes Web site. So, I went ahead and included it as one disorders I could describe. I knew all about it anyway, even if the information the March of Dimes gave was a little less than detailed.

From the list of three, I had to pick one to go into greater detail about, so of course, I chose Trisomy 18. I was glad to do it, and I even told the professor that I had personal experience with it as we lost a baby to it last year.

So, I'm wondering if I should write to the March of Dimes and ask them to give Trisomy 18 its own category. I think it deserves it, and I'm beginning to think it's a lot more common than previously thought. I mean, I find tons of blogs from families who are affected, and there are quite a few on Baby Center who have been affected, too.

Baby shower, grades and doctor's appointment

My sister-in-law called me the other day and asked me if Oct. 24 would be a good day for a shower. I was shocked. I really wasn't expecting one, since Ella isn't our first baby, but I am glad and really appreciate that she's doing it.

Several years ago, we thought we weren't going to have any more children, so we got rid of all of our baby stuff. Then, after my granny died, I decided I really did want another one. So, we got pregnant with Jenna and had only bought one thing, a Winnie the Pooh Pack and Play, before she was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. We didn't buy anything else after that.

Since I wasn't sure if I was going to have a baby shower and thought I probably wouldn't, we started buying what we would need for the baby. I have the stroller and car seat (a Winnie the Pooh travel system), the crib, a diaper bag and a few other things.

My sister-in-law wanted to know what we needed, so I decided to register. It hit me when I was registering that we are really going to be bringing a baby home in November. I am still having trouble believing it, but it's getting easier.

Also, I am doing extremely well in school. Right now, I have an A in Astronomy and History and a B in my Developmental Psych class. We haven't had a test in my psychology of personality class yet, but we will later this week. My seminar on careers in psychology class is a pass/fail class, but I am passing it. I am really proud of myself.

I had my 29 week appointment today. I had gained three more pounds for a total of 16 pounds. My blood pressure was 130/80, which the doctor said was good. I am now going every two weeks for appointments and have made them up until my due date. This is another jolt of realty that we will be having a baby in November. I guess I've just not wanted to let myself believe it so I wouldn't get hurt if something bad happened.

Now, I just have to get over the nerves of how this is going to change our whole lives. I know it's going to be better, but definitely different.

I quit my job today

It's been coming for a while now. I don't care for the new editor at all. He's very passive agressive, and while we get along (I can pretty much get along with anyone), I hate the way he handles assignments and he plays favorites. He's just not my type of editor. I guess no one will ever live to Bob and Betty, my first editors.

Also, one of the biggest reasons is that I don't have time to go to school full time and be a mother full time, either. I know it's going to get even harder when Ella gets here, so I knew I needed to do it. Also, my house is a huge wreck, and Brian has had to take up a lot of the slack. He doesn't really have time to do that either, as he works 12 to 14 hours a day, five days a week.

My other two reasons for doing it are that I'm only getting 16 to 19 hours a week and getting paid $8 an hour to do it and that I'm about to go to every other week for appointments. It just wasn't worth the effort to be honest. And, soon after the two week appointments come the every week, and I'm just giving my job everything it deserves.

I'm still going to be working for the newspaper, just on a freelance basis. I'll write two articles a week for them, and I'll almost what I did working there part time. So, I'm going back to being unemployed, but I know it's for the best this time.

Insensitive comments

Today, I had to take Tessa to the doctor. She was running a fever yesterday and had a sore throat, headache and stuffed up nose. She had also been exposed to the flu last week, and I didn't want to take any chances.

Instead of seeing her pediatrician, who we love, we had to see the nurse practitioner. She asked me if this pregnancy was our second child, and I said, no that we had lost one last year due to Trisomy 18.

Tessa told her that her name was Jenna. And, then the lady said something to me that floored me. She said, "That must have been hard. My dog died a few days ago."

My mouth dropped open. I didn't honestly know what to say to her. I think I mumbled something about being sorry for her loss, but I'm not sure.

I love my dog, and she is a member of the family. However, her loss, and the loss of my other pets over the years, in no way compares to the loss of my child. I still can't believe she said that.