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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A few complaints

Brian is in the doghouse right now. Technically, I don't really like to air our fights in public and won't usually tell the reasons for us fighting if people know we are angry with each other. However, since this my blog, I think I can do it.

Brian is overall a good guy, so I hate to say anything bad about him. But, lately, I'm feeling very unappreciated and think he doesn't understand what a stay at home mom does. It's just all been building up and tonight we had a fight.

The first thing that happened was over the weekend we went out to eat with our friends to celebrate Christmas and exchange gifts. He was talking to the husband and said, "My schedule lets me help out in the middle of the night."

If someone said that to you, wouldn't you think he was doing the middle of the night feedings or diaper changes? You would think that, right? Well, he's not. It does allow him to do it, but that doesn't mean he does. Honest to goodness, I don't care that he doesn't do any of the middle of the night feedings. He works 12 to 14 hours a day at a very stressful and dangerous job. I don't want him to do them when he's working like that, but it makes me mad that he's letting people think he's doing all this work when I'm the one who's actually doing it.

I do think he should help out on his days off though. Do you want to know how many diapers he has changed and how many bottles he's given? He's changed four diapers and given two bottles. I know that part of the problem is he doesn't really like this newborn stage. A lot of men don't, but he needs to get over it. Being a parent isn't just about holding a child or playing with her; it's also hard work.

He also complained because Tessa and Ella woke him up the other night. Tessa was exhausted after her first day back at school, and Tessa and exhaustion don't go together very well. She was pitching a fit about everything. Ella had a bit of a tummy ache and was crying pretty loud, too. Brian had been in bed since about 4 p.m., and this was about 8 p.m. He says that because he has such a dangerous job, all he should do on the days he works is come home and go to bed and not be woke up. While I agree that he needs to sleep, when crap happens like it did that night, he also should be aware he's going to get woke up, and he might not get eight hours of sleep. I told him most parents don't get eight hours of sleep a night, and he needed to get over it.

Of course, he wasn't really happy about that response, but he got over it. He thinks I should do everything around here because he's working and school is out right now. I know he was mad when he said it (and he has a bad habit of saying things he doesn't mean), but he said it doesn't matter if I get enough sleep or not because I'm not working and doing the job he does. Honestly, doesn't everyone deserve a good night's sleep?

I know a lot of this comes because he's got a stressful day ahead of him tomorrow when the snow comes in. I know part of it is because he hates his job, truly hates it, which is why I'm back in school busting my butt to get my degree so I can make more money, so he can get a job that pays less and is a lot less stressful.

But I would so appreciate a little appreciation. He said he thinks he could be a stay at home mom, and the house would be spotless and he wouldn't need sleep and all that crap. He didn't say he thinks I don't do anything, but his attitude makes me feel like he thinks I don't do enough. I told him he couldn't do it either because he can't handle a newborn. I feel bad about saying that now.

I honestly hate fighting with him. He'll wake me up before he goes to work and try to make it up to me. He won't actually admit he's wrong or say he's sorry (that probably won't happen unless I insist on it, aren't most men like that?), but he will regret what he said tonight. I just really hate fighting with him and wish he would realize what I do and also realize that I know exactly how hard he works and appreciate him for it.


JenJen said...

Ugh, I hate having "discussions" with my hubby, too. I've been very fortunate though and he helps out a lot. I'm glad that you stuck up for yourself because I do think that most men think that we just sit on our bottoms and watch television all day...or take 3 hour naps (just joking!)...I hope you guys make up and that he has learned the error of his ways...

I'm proud of you for not popping off at him at the dinner with your friends!

Mirna said...

I am sure you feel a little better venting a bit - I always do. Yeah I recon all men of all nationalities are the same.... urgh! We love them most of the time but there I times I think we want to strangle them gently ... back into reality channel. Most of the time they don't get it ... and I think all over the world people have the same going on.

I think we are so much stronger handling things ... all things and yep we do need a break sometimes! I honestly hope there is a friend close by that are willing to help you out when you need it. Wish I could have been there...

I hope by the time you read this you feel so much better and refreshed!

Hugs ;0)