Tomorrow is my baby shower. I am excited, but not, too. I don't like being the center of attention, but I am looking forward to seeing all of my friends together. It's being held at my brother and sister-in-law's house, and her mother, who is a wonderful baker, is making the cake. I love good food, even though most of it is giving me heartburn right now. I'll just have to suffer the consequences.
Monday, we are having my 35 week appointment. I am also having a growth span that day. Part of me is so excited to see her again on ultrasound because it's been a while since we have, but another part is scared that they are going to see something wrong on the ultrasound.
Everyone tells me I am carrying small, even though my belly measures right on time. I haven't really gained all that much weight, about 16 pounds. What if she's small because she has Trisomy 18? I know that's irrational, that everything looked great at all the ultrasounds we had, and all the bloodwork came back normal. But, when you've lost one baby, it makes you irrational about some things.
I've also had a lot of headaches this week, which is a symptom of pre-eclampsia. With Tessa, my symptoms were all pretty atypical, which is why it wasn't caught. If Ella is small, it could be because I have pre-eclampsia again, which means they would either put me on bedrest or deliver me early. As much as I am over being pregnant, I don't want her to come too early, especially if it means she wouldn't be able to go home with us. Bedrest would be Ok, but not ideal, especially with the schedule Brian works.
I'm also worried that she might be too big. Dr. McGowen has already warned me that my pelvis is too narrow for me to give birth to a baby that weighs more than eight pounds. A c-section doesn't really scare me, but it's not ideal.
I just want her here healthy. I want to know she's healthy. The only way for me to know 100 percent is for her to be born or to have an amniocentesis, and I'm not sure if it's really worth it at this stage.
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2 comments:
I know its hard to not worry especially since we're both almost there...I find myself worrying about cord accidents these days...umm, how rare are cord accidents...probably about as rare as having a uterine rupture...
My baby shower is tomorrow, too! Have fun and enjoy being the center of attention. I am because I know when Cooper gets here it will be move over mommy and hello baby!
The last month was the hardest. And I too was wondering if they missed something in the 10 ultrasounds I had with Radha. It's normal to think that your luck is so awful that it will happen again.
But, I will be positive for you when you can't. I know you are bringing this sweet girl home with you---healthy. I can't wait for that day.
Have a wonderful baby shower. Enjoy it. Keep us posted about the Dr. appointment.
XOXO--Reese
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