Tomorrow is Oct. 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. At 7 p.m., people all over the world will light candles in remembrance, creating a wave of light. I would love it if you could light one for Jenna.
I never realized how much losing a baby would change your life. I knew it would hurt, but I never thought it would make me a completely different person. I never knew I would think about it every single day. I never realized I would think about Jenna every day for the rest of my life.
I didn't think it was something you would get over, but I didn't think it would affect you like losing a child who has lived outside the womb. While I can never compare my loss to the loss of a living, breathing child, I think having a stillborn baby carries with it its own unique type of grief.
We have no memories. We never saw them smile. We only got to hold them for a few minutes. The only pictures we have are a few taken at the hospital. Those things make having a stillborn baby a unique type of grief. Someday, if I can get through school, I hope to help women and families going through that unique grief.
If you know someone who has lost a baby, either through miscarriage, stillbirth or infancy, please leave me a comment. I will remember them as I am lighting my candles tomorrow night.
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3 comments:
I always think of my mom on this day.
She lost a little boy at about six months gestation in 1962. And they wouldn't let her see him. And told her to go home and hug her daughter (me) and 'make another baby' and worst of all... 'he wasn't really a person.'
She was never allowed her grief. And her heart is still broken 48 years later.
About 10 years ago, I planted four rosebushes at her house. Three yellow ones, one for each of her living children, and a white one for the little boy who never had a name.
I don't light candles. But I will think of your Jenna. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a little person you've loved from the time you know they existed.
You get the platitudes from people... but no one understands YOUR loss... because it's yours.
((hugs))
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