Pregnancy Loss Terminology

The other night, I was flipping through the channels, and I came across a movie showing a pregnant woman having an ultrasound. The doctor performing the scan said, "Did you talk to anyone after your miscarriage?"

The lady looked up and said, "It wasn't a miscarriage. She was stillborn. Anything after 20 weeks is considered a stillborn."

I almost cried when I heard that because those same exact words came out of mouth about two months after my loss when I went to see my endocronologist about my PCOS. The nurse asked me how I was doing since my miscarriage, and I answered with the above. I've heard others who have experienced a similiar loss say the same thing.

This made me wonder why we are so hung up on the terminology of pregnancy loss. Anything before 20 weeks is a miscarriage; anything after is a stillbirth. If a baby is born breathing at 22 weeks and above (I think it's 22 weeks), it's considered fetal demise due to premature birth. They are all losses, so I wonder why it matters so much what we call it.

I know why it mattered to me at the time. Honestly, I knew then as I know now that a loss is a loss no matter what stage it happens, but I felt like calling Jenna's death a miscarriage was negating everything that happened to me. At the time, I felt like a miscarriage was a lesser loss than what I went through with Jenna. When a person has a miscarriage, they don't have to make a decision about what to do with the body, writing an obituary, making plans for memorial service, etc. Most women who have a miscarriage never get to hold or see their baby. I think another part of it is that by calling it a miscarriage it was making Jenna less of a being than she actually was, if that makes any sense, and it just seems disrespectful to her.

Since that time, I've come to know that a loss is still a loss and hurts no matter what stage you are at in the pregnancy. But, I still have trouble not correcting someone when they say I've had a miscarriage.